My Third Daughter's First Date
by C. LeShay
Summary: After an innocent question thrown to him by Rukia, Isshin comes to realize that his third daughter has yet to experience the thrill of a first date.  What’s a dutiful father got to do anyway?
1. Television is just like real life

My Third Daughter's First Date

By C.LeShay

Summary: After an innocent question thrown to him by Rukia, Isshin comes to realize that his third daughter has yet to experience the thrill of a first date. What's a dutiful father got to do anyway?

This is my first ever fanfiction published, despite having written a slew of it already. I will try not to put spoilers by not making references to SS and HM arcs. I have no beta, and if anyone is interested, please just PM me. By the way, please be gentle – I'm a fanfiction virgin.

I'll try to invent TV shows so I don't get sued much too.

Fiction Rating: T for violence, potty mouth, and vague references to 'extra-curricular activities' during dating.

Characters: Isshin, Yuzu, Karin, Kon, IchigoXRukia

Disclaimer: The only Bleach I own is in a laundry detergent.

Chapter 1: Television is just like real life

It was a Friday evening and in the Kurosaki household, it only meant one thing: TV date for the whole family.

"Hurry it up, idiot!" Rukia said as she pushed Ichigo out of his room, "It's Friday night TV fest!"

Glaring (as if he'd do anything else), Ichigo pushed Rukia's hands off his shoulders "Oi bitch! Quit it, will you!"

"Shut it, strawberry, I don't want to miss the show."

As part of Isshin's weekly tradition, he always dragged his family downstairs to watch his favorite shows (or sappy romantic dramas according to Ichigo and Karin) for their regular family bonding. As he always supplied loads of pizza – with an extra layer of mozzarella, of course - and buckets of fries with loads of condiments, from ketchup to gravy, Karin was easily persuaded to stay for an hour as long as the old man didn't try on glomping her.

Ichigo might have gotten away, had not Isshin threaten to post in the clinic's entrance damning photos of him in compromising positions – a.k.a. his naked baby pictures. One day, he promised himself, he was going to kick his old man into oblivion as payback for this harrowing torture he devised the day Rukia joined their household.

As for Yuzu and Rukia, both were clearly taken into the quote-unquote drama, passion, despair, hope, sacrifice, tragedy, and triumph of love that was Isshin's favorite drama, the aptly titled My Girl…My Life…. My Love – In Paris: Forever.

"That has got to be the cheesiest show on air and you still watch it." Muttered Ichigo as he watched the girls get comfortable on the sofa with Isshin. "I mean, what the hell is wrong with those two anyway; its not like they're related that they can't be together."

"Ichi-nii!" Yuzu cried out, "Everyone thinks that they're siblings!"

"But they're not." Interjected Karin dryly. "The girl's adopted anyway. It's the DNA that counts."

Yuzu shook her head vehemently, "But Ian already has a girlfriend, Roesemarie's best friend to boot! You can't have a girlfriend and date her best friend at the same time!"

"Like that doesn't happen in real life!" Karin scoffed "I'm sure Ichi-nii has DOZENS of girlfriends…"

The said offended 'playboy' gave his sister a frosty glare "Hey!"

Karin paused, as if to consider her words, then she smiled. "Oh yeah, like there would be a girl who'd like Ichi-nii's scowling mug."

"She's been living with him for years, maybe that would seem disturbing for others – though there's nothing wrong with that." Came Rukia's quiet voice out of the blue. As everyone looked at her, she glared back "WHAT?"

Beside her, Isshin chortled in laughter as his other kids looked at the small, adopted third daughter with surprise at her apparent and first-ever reaction. Rukia, not used with the idea of TV often fell silent whenever they made remarks about a particular episode, perhaps brought by her apparent ignorance of popular culture. Needless to say, Isshin was happy that she made a venture to join the conversation. "Don't worry Rukia-chan," he said soothingly, "we won't go that far as to adopt you as a Kurosaki."

The reactions of his family were priceless.

Ichigo spluttered so much while in the middle of drinking his soda that his drink rushed out of his nose. "What the hell old man!" He cried out as he wiped his face. Karin raised an eyebrow and just gave her brother a smug smile. Yuzu's brows were furrowed in confusion as she paused in mid bite of her pizza. Rukia on the other hand just stared blankly at him for a moment. "You don't want to adopt me?" She asked innocently.

Ah, the fish bit the bait.

Isshin's eyes suddenly glistened with unshed tears ("Faker," Ichigo mumbles to himself) "But my dear third daughter, in as much as I want you to be a Kurosaki, adopting you simply won't do! You see, I'd much rather you ma –

"Shut up and watch the show, you annoying old fart!" Ichigo shouted as he threw a pillow at his father before he could say something that would humiliate him. At the sly glance he got from his father, Ichigo knew that Isshin would LOVE to have his Rukia-chan as a daughter-in-law instead of a daughter.

Oblivious to everything, Rukia continued to watch TV. Wordlessly, she poured a large amount of gravy onto her plate of fries.

"That's just gross." Ichigo muttered in disgust at his partner's appalling taste. He suddenly wondered if Inoue was THAT much of an influence to Rukia. Maybe he should let Yuzu teach her how to cook – just so to prevent anything else from coming up.

To his horror, Rukia now dipped the pizza into the gravy before eating it.

-- --

"Oh that was just so romantic!" gushed Yuzu as the credits of the TV show flashed on the screen. They have just finished the current episode where the two protagonists went on a secret date. "I mean, they way Ian asked Rosemarie out for a date was pretty romantic!"

To her left, Karin snorted. "Romantic? Geez Yuzu, what's romantic with flying a dozen heart-shaped pink balloons? Pink? Tasteless."

"It's romantic!" Yuzu argued, "Isn't it, dad?"

Ever eager to please his beloved Yuzu, Isshin nodded reverently "I must say it was artistic, heart-rendering, -

"Just shut pops!" Interrupted Karin as she finished off her pizza hurriedly.

"When you grow up Karin, you'll find that romance does not mean a kick to head." Isshin cried out as he attempted to hug his other daughter "And when you need advice on boys and sex –

"Pipe down, stupid old man!"

While the three were continuing with their bickering, Ichigo stood up and grabbed the last slice of the pizza. Suddenly, a hand slapped his – "Hey!"

"This is mine." Rukia said seriously as she took the last slice.

"The hell, you bitch."

"Rukia nee," Yuzu called out "what do you think?"

Bemused, Rukia looked at Yuzu "Eh?" she asked as she took a bite out of the pizza. Both she and Ichigo remained in their previous positions, hunched over an empty pizza tray. Belatedly, the orange head straightened up quickly.

"Rukia nee, I asked if you found it romantic? As in a romantic idea for a first date?"

"Sure." Came the all to quick reply.

Like a shark that smelled blood, Isshin realized that the hasty response was quite interesting so he cried, "Sure, my dearest third daughter? That is all you can say about such a sweet, tender, poignant, and romantic moment? My dear, you're not a romantic at all." He quickly stepped forward and took Rukia's small, fries and pizza-greased hands "Dare I say that your first date was a pathetic experience that you dismiss romance easily?"

Rukia frowned "First date? I have no idea what you're taking about. Is it like in the show, with the candles and the violin stuff – that kind of date?"

Isshin's grin was positively gleeful and predatory at the same time "Have you ever been out on a date, Rukia-chan?"

And Ichigo could swear – up on a stack of bibles – that you can hear the proverbial penny drop in the deathly silence. Heck, he was even sure that his breathing stopped. Though Rukia was an old shinigami, Ichigo was sure that the list of crappy dates that she had was short.

In the back of his mind, he vaguely heard himself wish that the good ones were even shorter.

Rukia looked thoughtful "Well… not really."

Everyone looked at her and Rukia blinked.

"Not once? Not ever?" Isshin asked in a theatrical whisper.

Ichigo stood there looking all cool and uncaring as his father and the others waited for Rukia's answer. Of course, no one need to know that he was straining his ears so much that Ichigo was sure he could hear their next-door-neighbor flossing his teeth.

After a while, Rukia shrugged "No."

"What?" cried out Isshin in a distressed tone. "No! This can't be, my third daughter has never experienced the drama and the romance of a first date, nor the heart-thumping, adrenalin-pumping emotions of first love!" Quickly, Isshin made a move to hug Rukia, but the said shinigami – turned high school student evaded him gracefully by refilling her glass with soda.

"Eh? Really?" Yuzu gushed out in disbelief. "You haven't been out on a date ever, Rukia – nee?"

Rukia could not understand the point of the inquisition. Sure, she went out with friends in soul society before, it was all good fun, but it was not like in those dramas where the guy goes all mushy all of a sudden. "No, not ever."

Even Karin was surprised. Sure, she knew that the girl who sleeps in her bedroom was once the girl who stayed in her nii-san's closet; sure, she also knew that this girl was different than the others and she was someone who had a high amount of ability than what was normal; and sure, Karin might have once thought (and she still does too) that this girl-woman was probably not as human as her brother, she even might be dead. However, the middle child of the Kurosaki siblings also knew that Kuchiki Rukia was a cute girl. Passably not in the league of Inoue Orihime, but she was – in her own way even prettier.

Scratch it, pretty seemed to be a weak adjective. Kuchiki Rukia had SOMETHING about her. A definite allure that made her memorable. Glancing covertly at her brother, Karin would gladly bet her month's allowance that she captivated him as well. Whether or not he was aware of it, of course.

"I don't believe it!" Isshin cried out.

"Che. Like a guy would waste time dating HER."

"Ichi-nii, you're so mean!"

"Smooth, Ichi-nii; real smooth."

Suddenly, Ichigo found his family surrounding the petite shinigami, all asking her pointless questions.

"No seriously, you really haven't been out on a date?" – Karin

"But Rukia-nee, what about the guy that's been calling you recently?" – Yuzu (Ichigo's eyebrows contorted in a grimace)

"No! This can't be! My third daughter should not be left out!" – well, obviously Isshin

Rukia, for her part looked unconcerned. "I don't understand why that is such a big deal…

Beside her, Isshin suddenly took hold of her shoulders "Rukia-chan, my dearest, beloved third daughter," he said, oblivious to Rukia's discomfort or Ichigo's boiling anger "Do not fret! Daddy here will make everything right! Yuzu! Karin! Both of you girls have to join me in this eneadvor!"

Karin just raised an eyebrow as Yuzu nodded enthusiastically.

"We are going to assist Rukia-chan in getting her perfect, romantic, and first-ever date!"

"What?" Rukia and Ichigo asked at the same time.

A/N: Anyway, that concludes the first chapter of My Third Daughter's First Date. I'm still not sure how to go about finishing this, simply because I do not have the time and all of my ideas are still a mumbo-jumbo mess that I am in the middle of unraveling.

I desperately need a beta!

Please, if anyone liked this please send reviews! My self-confidence is a bit shaky since this is my first too. Like Rukia, I have never felt the heart-stopping happiness bought about by Reviews! Haha!

I apologize if my characters may seem OC, or if the plot seems weird. As I said, I have no beta yet.

Cheers to all and… BANKAI! Bankai? Hehe, I still have to train more.

And oh, as for the gravy thing, yeah it's weird; but I LOVE gravy and I DO put it on my fries and I also use it on pizza sometimes. Of course, I also use hot sauce…


	2. Isshin's Galatea

Fiction Rating: T for violence, potty mouth, and vague references to 'extra-curricular activities' during dating.

Characters: Isshin, Yuzu, Karin, Kon, IchigoXRukia

Disclaimner: I'm still waiting for a lawyer to show and hand me documents proving that I own Bleach; until then, I'm still using our laundry detergent.

A/N: First up, I would like to say thanks to the first ones who reviewed my story. Werefox Alchemist, Kiralyne, Catho, loveyouso, and HinduGoddess – you all know how to make a gal feel all the fuzzies and cute bunnies. Aww. Thanks as well for the suggestions that were given; I will try to improve the next ones and make them as funny – if not more – than the first chapter.

I'd like to say that Isshin is a tad OC here, being serious and all; but if you remember from a certain episode, Isshin is more than capable of being serious. I hope the readers agree with me on this one. Besides, the story needs it.

This chapter and the next were originally written as one. However, I felt that it was far too long, so I chopped it into two. So if it feels weird, remember that the next chapter must be read ASAP.

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Summary: "We must make our dear Rukia-chan ready to experience her first date! She must be transformed into a guy's ideal woman! Speak after me Rukia-chan: The Rain in Spain Falls Mainly on the Plain."

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My Third Daughter's First Date

Chapter 2 – Isshin's Galatea

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The next day, Ichigo was surprised to wake up later than he usually did. Considering that it was a Saturday, the house was unnaturally peaceful. In fact, even Kon, the perverted mod soul was missing from the household.

As he climbed off his bed to change, Ichigo tensed for a while, expecting his father to come at him like a bullet, aiming a kick to his head. The years of being hit like that by his old man made Ichigo a terribly paranoid young man around the house. He may not show it, as he often looked like without a care in the world, but Ichigo took precaution to avoid standing near windows and doors. If it cannot be avoided, he made sure that he stayed only for a short time.

As the "Good Morning, Ichigo! trademark action" that he expected never came, he was tempted to think that life was good. Maybe, god saw him struggle with the burden named Kurosaki Isshin and decided to pity him by giving him a day's worth of reprieve.

However, Ichigo did not know if he should feel happy that his father made no attempt to hit him or be scared about his old man's apparent absence.

A quiet Isshin was a more dangerous Isshin.

Remembering his father's emphatic speech about 'helping' Rukia, Ichigo was dreading the day. He hoped that he could eat breakfast peacefully and then go out for a bit of a walk. Normally, he would have just stayed at home and read a book, but there was no way he would willingly stay and get roped in by his father's lame antics.

Besides, he needed to rest, since he could be busy with slaying hollows later.

If his father wanted to annoy Rukia today, who was he to stop it? He never looked pass an opportunity to get some peace and quiet. If his father can keep Rukia from annoying him or dragging him off someplace weird – like the mall, Ichigo would probably respect his father.

Probably. The key word was probably.

Creeping downstairs, after pulling on a plain red shirt and pants, Ichigo cautiously looked around for any signs of life, particularly from his old man. The tall teen gave a sigh of relief as he reached the dining table where Yuzu and Karin were having breakfast. Quickly, he sat down and gobbled up his food.

"Glad to see that you're already awake, Ichi-nii." Yuzu said brightly "Father said not to wake you up, so we just waited for you. Eat your breakfast before it gets cold."

Well, that was unexpected. Ichigo then realized that neither Rukia nor his old man were present in the room, and by the looks of it, they haven't had any breakfast yet.

As if she read his mind, Karin said, "Pops took Rukia nee-san out for a walk."

WTF?! They way Karin said it reminded Ichigo of a dog on a leash and the image disturbed him that he gagged on his own saliva. Quickly, Yuzu rushed to give him a glass of water "Are you all right, Ichi-nii?" She asked nervously.

"What are you worried about, Yuzu?" Drawled Karin as she finished her breakfast, "I can easily kick him to dislodge whatever it is that is choking him."

Suddenly, they heard the front door open and close. "Finally!" Exclaimed Yuzu as she stood up to clear the table, "I thought those guys would take forever."

"They've been out two hours ago." Karin informed Ichigo who hurriedly gobbled up his food. In the Kurosaki household, one should always be on guard against embarassing situations and painful attacks – especially if you have a parent as weird as Isshin.

"Slowly… Yes, you're doing quite beautifully, Rukia-chan." They heard Isshin's coaxing voice. The siblings, particularly Ichigo was familiar with that tone. It's the tone that his father uses whenever he's assisting patients who are terribly hurt, or who have been through a major surgery. That fact made the orange-haired substitute shinigami wonder just what his father was up to now.

"Is this REALLY necessary?" Came the tired and grumbling voice of Rukia "I've been doing this for two hours now, Kurosaki-dono."

"I'm very sorry to cause you pain, Rukia-chan." Isshin said seriously "But desperate times call for desperate measures. Bear with it until we get to the living room."

It took all of Ichigo's willpower not to burst out laughing right then and there as he saw a frazzled-looking Rukia walk in gingerly wearing high heels and with a medical book perched on top of her head. Of course, the adopted princess of the Kuchiki clan had a posture that was the envy of beauty queens – or military personnel. But Ichigo doubted that two-inched high heels were the ones responsible for it.

"Now, that's it. Slowly walk to the sofa and sit – don't forget to place your legs diagonally in front of you and cross one ankle behind the other."

Rukia's posture was impeccable. However, the fact that she was wet with sweat and her black hair was sticking out in all directions made the tableaux hilarious, that Ichigo lost all concentration and bursted out laughing.

As Rukia made a move to hit Ichigo, Isshin immediately stepped in front of her "No, Rukia-chan. It is not right for a lady to do that. Remember: politeness is the key."

"Politeness?" Ichigo sniggered, while pointing at the other Shinigami. I don't think she even knows the meaning of that word! "You can't even be polite, even if your life depended on it. Look at you" he said haltingly, in between his attempts to curb his laughter and get a lungful of air "You look like a pig and you smell like one too!" (the following line should compliment the first insult?)

"Kurosaki-dono…" tittered Rukia in her 'fake' high school girl voice that was laced with extreme quantities of sugar – a voice that would irritate Ichigo to no end.

"Yes, my cute, dearest, and beloved third daughter, Rukia-chan?" Came Isshin's likewise 'cultured' reply.

"Would you hit Ichigo so hard that his eyes would pop out of his head, for me? Please?"

"Poppa would do ANYTHING for his beloved third daughter!" Isshin said as he gave his firstborn a kick to the side of his head. "This is for insulting our precious Rukia-CHAAAANNN!" Came his battle cry "You will not be forgiven, spawn of mine!"

"What the hell, you idiot! Go and annoy someone else!" Cried Ichigo as he attempted to block several punches and kicks from his father.

As Ichigo nursed the bump on his head, Rukia took the chance to stick out her tongue at him while Isshin called his other daughters.

"We must make our dear Rukia-chan ready to experience her first date! She must be transformed into a guy's ideal woman! Yuzu, get the magazines and my notebook from the clinic. Speak after me Rukia-chan: The Rain in Spain Falls Mainly on the Plain."

"That sucks, old man." Muttered Ichigo while Karin just slammed her black sneaker-clad foot onto her father's face "Will you just quit it!" she scolded.

"Um… May I take a bath first?" Rukia asked hesitantly.

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After a while, Isshin called his children ("Ichigo, stay or I WILL post your baby pictures on the Internet; you know, in my site where there are pictures of healthy-looking college girls…") downstairs to join him as they tutor Rukia into being an ideal date.

Rukia was given a seat in the middle of the room. To her credit, the petite shinigami did not look THAT confused, only pleasantly unaware. For the life of him, Ichigo could not figure out how his father and sisters were roped in by Rukia's 'naïve' façade. Then again, it was really surprising for him to find that a 150-year-old soul who can kill hollows coolly and do soul burials with ease yet have never been out on a date before.

Quietly, Ichigo sat as his family fussed over magazines, as if looking for something. Since their attention was diverted, he took the time to study the other shinigami.

Rukia was unaware of the commotion she was causing, as she was too preoccupied with reading a manga to care about anything. Occasionally, her thoughts would be conveyed as she raised an eyebrow or tilted the corners of her lips. Perhaps, her decades of training under her Kuchiki tutors were really rigid that even while at ease, her posture remained picture-perfect.

Honestly, Ichigo felt weirded out to see Rukia sit like she was a mannequin on a display window. Her back was ramrod straight, shoulders thrown back, legs placed diagonally in front of her while crossed at the ankles, and her head inclined ever so slightly. It looked so unnatural. Where was the Rukia who read manga on his bed, sprawled on her stomach and propped up on her elbows? Where was the Rukia who laughed out loud or cried in outrage depending on the mood of a manga chapter? Where was –

A tissue was handed directly under his nose.

At his questioning look, Karin just smiled a shark's smile. "I wasn't sure if you were going to cry or drool, Ichi-nii. I hope this covers it."

His face turning a dull red, Ichigo glared at his sister. "And just what the hell are you talking about?"

"Windows." Isshin said in a somber voice.

"Closed." Came Yuzu's equally serious reply.

"Rukia-chan."

"Rukia nee-chan is prepped and ready, father."

"Notebook."

"Notebook." The youngest Kurosaki said as she handed her father a small, leather-bound notebook.

"Oh for goodness' sake!" Complained Ichigo angrily, "Quit making this look like a re-run of 'The Medical Practitioners' and get it over with already!"

Isshin gave his eldest child a dirty look "Shut up and don't rush me! This is the only time I get to spend with Rukia-chan since you hog her all day, all week, and all –

"Get on with the program, old man." Karin said in annoyance. She was supposed to go out and play soccer with her schoolmates, now she was forced to endure her father. If it wasn't for Yuzu and her natural curiosity about their new housemate, she would have made a break for it. Now, her day was shot, and there was nothing else she can do but watch as her father made a fool of himself again.

Hopefully, the all-too-weird Rukia wasn't stupid enough to believe her dumb father.

Suddenly, Isshin cleared his throat. "Now, the lesson will commence." Standing in the middle of the living room, Isshin puffed out his chest and held his notebook up before pointing it at Rukia. "Learn well, my third daughter. Learn and benefit from my wealth of dating experience."

"Welecome, to Kurosaki Isshin's School of Charm and Dating Ettiquette!" Isshin cried out stricking a metrosexual pose, with his arms crossed in front of his chest, and a single stem of rose clutched between his teeth.

"Rukia nee-san is SO dead." Karin said in a dismembered voice.


	3. Charm and Dating Lessons

Chapter 3 – Charm and Dating Etiquette Lessons From Kurosaki Isshin

Summary: "Rukia – chan… my precious, sweet Rukia – chan… would you honor my worthless existence by going out with me?"

"I'm sorry Kurosaki-kun, but I have to say no."

Fiction Rating: T for violence, potty mouth, and vague references to 'extra-curricular activities' that if written would cause the rating to jump from T to M.

Characters: Isshin, Yuzu, Karin, IchigoXRukia

Disclaimner: I checked my inbox. Unfortunately, no lawyers yet. Darn it, and I was so sure the notice would arrive today! I'm still penniless by the way, so don't sue me!

SPOILERS: A trivial (okay, not-so-trivial for me) thing about Rukia, her gigai, and her mod soul – Pyon and Ichigo's hollow side (how can you not know this?).

Lesson 1 : How to Accept a Date

"Now, Rukia-chan," said Isshin as he gave her a stern glare. "The first thing you have to learn is how you should accept a date."

The said shinigami was seated on an uncomfortable chair in the middle of the room. It was really surprising to see the head of the Kurosaki family looking so serious, that she was sure Ichigo would be having a coronary anytime soon. The sweet little Yuzu was standing beside him, looking like a smart and dutiful soldier that would make even her Byakuya nii-sama proud – or something like that. However, Karin and Ichigo were lounging a good distance from them. Karin was reading a manga while relaxing on the sofa. The young girl was not facing them, though she shot them a look every once in a while. Ichigo on the other hand, was busy looking out the window while yawning occasionally.

The weather was sunny and Rukia was beginning to feel that she was wasting her time indoors when she could go out and spend her day at the park reading mangas or eating ice cream. Maybe she could get Ichigo to hand her a soul candy dispenser so she can leave the house in shinigami form. Pyon would have a riot with Isshin Kurosaki and Yuzu.

Oh, the heavenly bliss of eating cold ice cream on a warm day! Perhaps she can even get Ichigo to take her to the mall where she can buy additional chappy-themed merchandise… Then again, the idiot boy needed extra training time. Heaven only knows how weak he became for allowing his hollow side to take control of his body whenever he fought.

"I really don't see the impor –

"Now, now Rukia-chan," Isshin reprimanded her "This is an important part of our lesson. We have to make sure that you know how to say yes or no to a guy."

"Old man, what's the point in teaching her this stuff if she'll say no anyway?" Ichigo said dryly. "I mean, not that anyone would ask her anyway."

What was the point indeed, thought Rukia. Even if she was curious about these things, she simply had no time on her hands. Shinigami duties were very taxing and time-consuming after all. She was about to nod her head in agreement when she realized the insult that was implied. Damn that Ichigo! "Why you bastard!" She snarled at the substitute, "You step here and I –

"Rukia-chan!" Came Isshin's reprimand. "Remember, a lady is always polite."

Resisting the urge to roll her eyes in exasperation, Rukia settled for clearing her throat before saying. "How terribly rude of you to suggest such a thing, Kurosaki-kun!" she said in a schoolgirl accent that was punctured with a thinly veiled layer of sorrow and humiliation. "I was hopeful that you were considerate enough of my plight and well-being," she sobbed, faking tears "but I was unfortunately mistaken! How utterly idiotic of me to think that you cared for my feelings!" In a huff, Rukia sighed dramatically before giving a well-practiced shudder and buried her face in her upturned palms.

"Rukia nee-chan!" cried Yuzu, with tears streaming down her face as she rushed to comfort the older girl. "Please stop crying, Ichin-nii didn't mean it." Quickly, she spun to face her brother "Right, Ichi-nii? Please, tell her to stop crying."

Suddenly, Isshin rushed to the life-sized poster of his wife "Wahhhh! Masaki! I have failed to raise our son into a gentleman that you could be proud of! I failed you my darling Masaki - he is a boor! An uncouth barbarian with no concern for others, especially women!"

Ichigo glared at Rukia who was soaking up all the attention like a sponge. The damn bitch was really being a consummate actress. Should she decide that being a shinigami was not worth anything anymore, Rukia should consider being an actress, or a thespian. Yes, the crazy woman was definitely Ophelia material. Scratch that, she would be a terrific lady Mcbeth, half parts crafty manipulator, half parts delusional mental patient. "What?" He half snarled as he saw Karin snicker nearby.

"Don't mind me, Ichi-nii."

"Alright then, Ichigo" his father said "I want you to ask Rukia-chan out on a date?"

"What?!" both Ichigo and Rukia grated out.

"Look here old man, there is no way in hell that I –

Wordlessly, Isshin handed his son a piece of paper. "How can you expect me to teach Rukia – chan if she doesn't hear an actual proposal?"

"Eh?"

"No need to be confused son," Isshin said dramatically "We would only borrow you to read the script." He then gave Ichigo a shrewd glace and a coy smile "Well, unless you really WANT to –

"Shut it!"

"What was that Ichigo? My, my, I didn't know you were as clueless about dating as our dear Rukia-chan,! Do you require your own training session?"

"I'm warning you. Shut the hell up!"

"Gladly. Now, stand here in front of Rukia-chan."

"And why the hell should I?!"

Yuzu shook her head, "Ichi-nii, Rukia nee-chan can't pretend with just empty air, right?"

Isshin sobbed as he hugged his youngest "Oh, poppa's glad that his little girl is smarter that his disrespectful and scruffy oldest spawn!" He then looked at Karin "And does my precious Karin want a hug to?"

"Take a step closer and you're dead." Drawled Karin as she continued reading her manga. "Get on with it, Ichi-nii. God forbid if we have to stay here the whole day."

Just to get this over and done with, Ichigo stood up and walked in front of Rukia. "Pay attention, you midget." He said, "This may be the first and last time you'll hear something like this."

Gritting her teeth in anger, Rukia was able to say in a sweet voice "Ohoho, Kurosaki strawberry – kun, loads of luck to you as well. I for one, know that you haven't had much success with the female population at school…"

Ichigo was about to retort when he spied his father and sisters looking at him eagerly. He then cleared his throat and looked at the paper, reading it quickly. "What the hell?" he shouted, face flaming red, "This is cheap stuff, old man. Just where the hell did you dredge this up anyway?"

Flashing a winning smile, Isshin held up his thumb in jubilation. "Where else? From 'My Girl…My Life…. My Love – In Paris: Forever,' of course!"

"You don't expect this to work, right? I mean, come on, this is lamer that a three-legged chicken!"

Tears suddenly filled Isshin's eyes "But that is stuff that legends are made of! Do you honestly think that someone who quotes Shakespeare would woo Rukia-chan? –

(Ichigo's eyebrow twitched in annoyance. Another direct insult to his favorite writer, then Ichigo will have to bash his father's head in. HE loves Shakespeare! Not that HE'd ask RUKIA anyway. Besides, the meaning of the words would be lost to someone like her who reads shojou manga 24/7. )

- I mean, I don't think anyone would quote Romeo and Juliet anyway. Besides, that one is just sad. Both of them died in the end. I don't want my precious third daughter to die!"

"Whatever." Then Ichigo again cleared his throat. "Rukiachanmyprecioussweetrukiachanwouldyouhonormyworthlessexistencebygoingoutwithme."

"Eh?" Rukia asked in confusion. "I am dreadfully sorry Kurosaki – kun, but I do not speak French."

"Ichigo! I didn't know you were into the spirit of things!" Isshin cried in joy and surprise. "I know that the story is set in Paris, but I didn't expect you to translate it… in French!"

Yuzu, after hearing it, looked at her brother happily "Wow, you actually studied another language." She said, oblivious to Karin who was now rolling on the floor as she tried to suppress her laughter.

Glaring at his father, Ichigo shouted, "It wasn't in French, you dumbass!"

"Oh, I see, you were studying Italian!"

"It was in Japanese, you foolish old man!"

His palms were already sweaty. Suddenly, he felt very thankful for small mercies like Rukia not expecting him to hold her hand. "Um… Well …"

This was actually mortifying for Ichigo. Hell, he had fought most of the powerful people in Soul Society; he even went to Hueco Mundo to fight Arrancars. But this… thing… was really one of the most difficult challenges he has ever faced in his life – to date.

"Yes, Kurosaki-kun? Is there something you wanted to say?" Rukia said, looking up at him curiously.

Oh please god, Ichigo prayed silently, look away. Look away for goodness' sake. Facing Rukia while saying this THING was definitely one of the lowest points of his life. This was certainly going to be his undoing, and there will be hell to pay. Rukia… she just sat there, looking at him. Somehow, someone parted the curtains, and her small form was now bathed in a muted glow of dull gold light from the sun. The said shinigami then peered even closer at him, that he could see her clearly.

It was like everything was in high-definition mode. He could see the raven silk strands that were her hair, and he was really close enough to see her eyes. They were so dark they were like the encompassing sky at midnight.

What the hell, did someone contaminate the drinking water or something? He was already waxing poetic here! Ichigo berated himself.

That man that hath a tongue, I say is no man, if with his tongue he cannot win a woman.

Yes, William was right. He had to mentally shake his head. Thinking about quotes from his favorite author's play was not helping, not at all.

Just say it, Ichigo. It's just Rukia, for cripes' sake!

Ichigo shifted to his other foot in hopes of reviving his by now sleeping leg. "Well… That is… Rukia – chan… my precious, sweet Rukia – chan… would you honor my worthless existence by going out with me?"

"I'm sorry Kurosaki-kun, but I have to say no."

"WHAT?"

Suddenly, Isshin was behind him "Perfect! It was an absolutely perfect reaction, Ichigo!"

Ichigo frowned at his father "I thought that you were teaching her how to ACCEPT dates?"

"Were you not listening? I'm teaching Rukia-chan how to accept AND turn down date proposals." Isshin smiled at Rukia before raising his thumb up to signify that she did well. "Remember Rukia-chan, never say yes immediately! Play hard to get!"

"Yes Kurosaki-dono," Rukia chimed, even though she had no idea as to why she ought to do that. "Er… why should I play hard to get again?"

Smiling brightly,Isshin struck a pose "So that boys won't think that you're overeager! Say no a few times before saying yes! That way, my lovely third daughter, you'll be sure that the man has no less than pure intentions."

As his youngest sister nodded in affirmation towards Rukia, Ichigo felt like hitting his head against a post. As usual, his father's logic was so skewered. It wasn't like that in the real world. Take Keigo for instance. No matter how many times Rukia would rebuff his proposals; his perverted intentions were always the same. Besides, not all men would take a 'no' sitting down. In fact, Ichigo was pretty sure that some would not hesitate to do anything stupid, seeing that Rukia was diminutive in size and stature. He even remembered this one incident at school where a guy once arrogantly boasted that he could easily get the 'cute and small' Kuchiki – san to go out with him on a date by just grabbing her narrow waist.

Everyone was later surprised to see the poor student requesting to be allowed to go home. While sporting a more than noticeable limp. At the teacher's inquiry, the said student claimed that he walked into a closed door and was thrown backwards down the stairwell.

No one questioned the fact that the door was far from any visible stairwell.

The only person who had suspicions was Tatsuki, who overheard the whole thing from a different vantage area.

"Oi, oyaji, don't go filling their heads with nonsense. There are guys out there that are absolute asswipes." Ichigo told his father.

"Ichi-nii!" Yuzu cried out in shock.

"Don't be fooled, Yuzu." He told his youngest sister. "Let's say midget – er – Rukia here does say no. What wou ld she do if the guy does this –

Suddenly, Ichigo grabbed Rukia by the arm and hauled her closer. As Rukia lost her balance, Ichigo immediately used the opportunity to hold her hands behind her with his right hand and press her whole body against him, while grabbing her by the waist possessively with his left. "Well then? Are you sure you can say no when this happens Yuzu?" He asked his now-shocked sister. "I've seen this happen many times to other girls before. You can't just say no without having a back-up plan."

A deathly silence filled the room. Suddenly, Ichigo realized that everyone, from Yuzu to Karin, was looking at him strangely. Only when he saw his father's smug grin did Ichigo remember that he was still, in fact, holding the small shinigami in his arms.

As Ichigo glanced down, he immediately came face to face with Rukia's beet-red face. Naturally, as they were in a – um, compromising position, his own face turned crimson as he became painfully aware that the small yet prickly shinigami was pulled across his body. Obviously, such a position also made him, um feel – yes that's the word – certain anatomical parts of the opposite sex that should NOT be felt by anyone who was not a pervert.

Last time Ichigo checked, he was no pervert. That fact didn't help though, now that he felt like one.

From the corner of his eye, Isshin raised a thumb in mock salute 'Score!' he mouthed to his mortified son.

Ah, crap.

"Kurosaki-kun…" the said shinigami said in a frosty tone not unlike her older brother, the ice block Byakuya.

"A back-up plan, eh?" Rukia said. Suddenly, with her right foot, she stomped on his toes. Followed by a kick to his shin with her left before she knocked his chin with her head.

As Ichigo suddenly saw stars and staggered backwards before doubling over in pain, his grip on her slacked and Rukia took the opportunity to use the heels of her palm to slam his nose.

Why the hell does this happen to me? Was Ichigo's last coherent thought before he succumbed into the darkness, not before hearing an amused snicker in the back of his head.

A/N: OMG! I can't believe that some people liked what I wrote!

I feel that I have to apologize to those who were waiting for the continuing chapters. I felt that I should update chapters 2 and 3 at the same time. Writer's quirk, nothing else. No conspiracies or whatever.

Thanks to those who reviewed and gave me the much needed pat on the back. It made me feel special (sob). For IchiRuki fans out there… I'M ONE OF YOU GUYS! I just think that they are the cutest couple in Bleach – ever!

I made references to Shakespeare here, as he is one of Ichigo's favorite playwrights.

Guess who it was that was shickering at the very last part?

This chapter nearly killed me to write. With uncontrollable laughter, that is. I certainly hope that the readers found it funny as well.

Aside from those I mentioned in the previous chapter, I would also like thank Embrace nothing, Rawr Cheese, cherryblossom279, and LithiumRukia for their reviews!

On another note, thank you to a good friend of mine (where's your account anyway?) for reading these chapters to see if they're IchiRuki-fluff and funny enough. Coming from a self-confessed Ren-Ruki fan like her ,finding them fluffy enough without being OOC, is a compliment of the first degree.

So, if you guys liked the chapters as well, please show me some lurve and send reviews. Because reviews are better than drugs! Definitely cheaper and more legal! I'm sure that if authors were placed in a room with computers each, reading all our reviews would make the gathering seem like Woodstock!


	4. Bachelorette Rukia

Chapter 4: Bachelorette Rukia

Summary: Wanted: Suitors for Kuchiki Rukia. Interested parties may submit to the Kurosaki Clinic their comprehensive resumes together with their statement of assets and liabilities and a 2 – page essay on the topic Why Should Rukia-Chan Pick Me As Her Date. Include 2X2 colored photo with blue background. Applicants will be entertained in a first come, first served basis.

Fiction Rating: T or M, for violence, potty mouth, and other 'stuff' that should embarrass you or your mother.

Characters: Isshin, Yuzu, Karin, Kon, Urahara, Keigo, Mizuizuro, Chizuru, Ishida, Renji, and IchigoXRukia

Disclaimner: The chance of me owning bleach is just as much as me winning/inheriting 100 billion dollars. I don't own Prince of Tennis, Utada Hikaru, and Isaka Tatsuya (sob)

SPOILERS: If you were just new to Bleach, you'd probably say that I spoiled you. Like some things about Urahara and who Isshin was before the whole substitute-shinigami business of Ichigo.

WARNING: Hold on to your seats, (slight) OOCs will guarantee this to be a bumpy ride!

(Page Break)

The shinigami representative license was suddenly activated. This could only mean one thing: there was a hollow nearby. Quickly, Ichigo stood up from his chair to transform into his shinigami form. "Rukia! Rukia, there's a hollow!"

Spinning around, Ichigo saw that save for him, the room was empty. He was half-expecting the pint-sized female shinigami to be the first one out. Since her powers returned, Rukia had been very eager to go after hollows that Ichigo had to keep an eye on her to make sure that she never ventured out on her own. Though she was a decent fighter and she was cautious, there was always a need for Ichigo to make sure that she was fine. She may not be better at swordfights like him, but Rukia was good in kidou. However, it would always unsettle Ichigo if he weren't beside her during these fights.

He had no other reasons, mind you, except that Rukia could get easily hurt.

But this time, he was surprised that she wasn't around. "Rukia?" he called out "Oi, Rukia, there's a hollow! If you don't get your butt out here now, I'll go on ahead." As there was no response, Ichigo quickly climbed out of the window to look for the hollow. Screw her, he thought, if he stayed back any longer, a soul might have been eaten already.

As Ichigo ran over rooftops, he skidded to a stop, almost toppling down from his perch. Rukia was there, standing at the park. "Oi, Rukia!" he hollered "Come on! There's a hollow!"

It was highly impossible for her not to have heard him, since he was shouting his lungs out. The bitch must be torturing him or something. "Oi!" he shouted as he jumped down beside her "Rukia, cut the crap out now."

"Rukia." Another voice called out.

Ichigo turned and someone from the shadows. He tried to see who it was, but all he can spot was a tall silhouette, probably that of a man.

"Rukia." The voice called out again. This time, Ichigo was sure that it was that of a man "Were you waiting for a while?"

Rukia turned to the man. She had a small smile on her face, a kind of smile that she never showed to anyone at school.

A smile so rare that Ichigo was sure not many aside from him has seen it.

"No, not really."

Ichigo was really pissed. "Rukia," he grated out "we have to go. NOW. In case you've forgotten why, remember a HOLLOW? You know, those really ugly things that you draw often?"

But Rukia still said nothing. Instead, she fixed her eyes on the man walking towards her.

As Ichigo made say something, the man (why was he in the shadows anyway? Ichigo asked himself in annoyance.) suddenly took out a large bouquet of red roses and held it out "These are for you."

"Oi!" Ichigo snarled angrily "We don't have time for that, Rukia!"

Ichigo then realized that the female shinigami was really avoiding him when she stepped closer to the man and took the offered flowers.

"Thank you." She said sincerely and graciously. "They look wonderful."

Suddenly, the still unknown man (Just you wait, Ichigo thought to himself, when I see who you are, you'll get a konso even if you're not dead yet.) closed the gap between him and Rukia as he took hold of her chin tenderly and tilted it upwards to face him.

Ichigo's grimace grew bigger. "RUKIA! If innocent souls get eaten, it's all your fault!" He shouted heatedly. "Soul Society won't like it and they'd arrest you again!" But Rukia did not listen to him. Instead she looked at the man and offered him a soft smile.

As he gripped Zangetsu tighter, Ichigo felt something inside him coil tautly, like a spring. "If you get the death penalty again, I won't save you, dumbass!"

Then, as if he was watching a horror film, Ichigo was riveted as he saw the man lean down to kiss Rukia while she rose on tiptoes to meet him. Everything may have been in slow motion as the lips of the two met. He could hardly contain the gasp of surprise as he saw the other man deepen the kiss and hold the girl by her waist closer. Ichigo could not hear anything, let alone the racing beat of his heart and the deafening roar in his ears.

Then Rukia dropped the flowers uncaringly so her hands were free. She then reached up to grasp the front of the man's shirt in order to pull him to her even more.

That was the last straw. Something inside Ichigo snapped. The feeling was unfamiliar yet achingly recognizable at the same time. It was the feeling of red-hot rage that started from the center of his being that flowed freely through his veins. This was nothing that Ichigo has ever experienced before. But as adrenalin rushed throughout him, he felt the familiar stirrings of his dark power without the said hollow emerging. "Dammnit, Rukia!" He cried out hoarsely, dropping Zangetsu completely so he can tear the two apart from each other. "Rukia!"

He finally succeeded to forcibly pull them apart. Uncaring of his strength, Ichigo shoved the man roughly aside and he spun to face Rukia. Grasping her arms in a gripe that was sure to bruise, he glared at her as he shouted, "What the hell was that about?" As Rukia just looked blankly at him, Ichigo felt something cold trickle down his face. Even without looking up, he was immediately aware that it had started to rain.

Rukia said nothing and they just stood there as the small droplets of rain grew steadily, drenching them completely. Ichigo was unable to say anything else except tighten his grip on her even more, watching as the rain matted Rukia's hair onto her skull. The water flowed steadily, causing her clothes to stick to her body like a well-fitting glove. However, she made no move to protect her body from the rain, to cover her modesty as her dress clung to her chest, nor did she attempt to slacken his grip on her.

"Rukia…" he called again "What is going on with you?"

"Ichigo." She said, "Let go."

"Kurosaki – san," the man said. He appeared again beside Rukia, this time carrying an umbrella to protect her from the rain. "Kurosaki – san, please let her go."

"Rukia…"

"I'm sorry Ichigo."

Wordlessly, Ichigo's hands fell back to his sides.

"I'm sorry Kurosaki – san." The man said apologetically "Rukia – chan and I, we are in love with each other."

"I'm leaving Ichigo." Rukia told him. "Please tell your family thank you for me."

"What?" He cried out in surprise. "Wait, what about… what about…you can't…"

"You don't need me to take care of the hollows, Ichigo." Rukia said quietly. "You've grown strong enough to handle them yourself."

"But, my hollow…" He said, "Rukia, you can't leave me, what if –

"I have confidence in you, Ichigo."

Without another word, Rukia and the man turned around and walked off, their arms linked together as they huddled beneath the umbrella.

Ichigo couldn't bring himself to say anything, but he just stared at the two as they gradually went further away. Then, he found himself moving, he was moving forward "Rukia!" He shouted, running towards them. What he would say when he caught up with them, he would never know, but he just had to reach her. He just had to. "Rukia!"

Suddenly, something hit the side of his face. "Bastard!"

Ichigo's eyes flew open. He came face to face with the beady eyes of…

"Bastard! Why were you muttering Rukia nee – san's name in your sleep?"

Oh great, it was Kon.

"Ichigo! You cannot stomp on my precious nee – san's honor like that!"

"What the hell are you talking about?" Ichigo felt relieved that it was all but a dream, even if it meant waking up with Kon in your face.

"You bastard! Calling out nee – san's name like that; you were having a perverted dream!"

WTF?

Kon was too busy ranting to notice Ichigo's eyes narrow in anger. "I never expect you to sink that low, Ichigo." Kon hissed. "I bet you were dreaming of nee – san and you together. You holding her, touching her creamy skin, smelling the scent of her hair, lying your head down on her soft –

Ichigo grabbed Kon by the head and threw him across the room. "Don't lump me in the same category as you, pervert!" Suddenly, he sat up and looked at the clock on his table. "Oh shit!" he cried, remembering what happened yesterday.

(Page Break)

(flashback)

"Glad to see that you're awake again, Ichi – nii."

"My head…" Ichigo groaned. "That BITCH, when I get my hands on her…"

"She's not here."

"Oh?"

Karin shrugged as she continued watching the TV. "Pops and Yuzu took her out to shop about 2 hours earlier. But you've been out for 4 hours."

Ichigo gave a start, "I was out that long?" Hell, Rukia must have gotten him real hard to let him go unconscious for more than an hour. He grimaced as he remembered the snickers that his hollow self gave him. Great, the horse must think that the King was unsteady. He was fortunate enough that his hollow side didn't take over. Although it was quite annoying to hear him laugh that way, Ichigo didn't have any other incident that involved his unwanted self. When Rukia gets back, Ichigo would be giving her a dropkick just to even up the score.

"You could have woken earlier you know." Karin said off-handedly as she took time to watch her brother head to kitchen for a snack. Remembering what happened while Ichigo was asleep, she snickered again. "Had pops not used a sedative on you."

"The hell! Why would he use a sedative anyway?"

"Maybe so you wouldn't see what he and Yuzu were going to do?"

Ichigo suddenly made an about face and went back to the living room. "And just what means of torture did he rope Yuzu into doing?"

Wordlessly, Karin handed him a piece of white paper.

Grumbling, Ichigo unfolded it and looked. It read:

Wanted: Suitors for Kuchiki Rukia. Interested parties may submit to the Kurosaki Clinic their comprehensive resumes together with their statement of assets and liabilities and a 2 – page essay on the topic Why Should Rukia-Chan Pick Me As Her Date. Include 2X2 colored photo with blue background. Applicants will be entertained tomorrow in a first come, first served basis.

"SHIT! Where did he post this thing?" He asked Karin. Oh boy, if Byakuya finds out about this, he was so dead yesterday. Rukia's brother may be an ice cube, but Ichigo was sure that he'd be in Karakura, Senbonsakura at the ready, with his annoying fukutaicho tailing at his heels.

"At the clinic's entrance." Supplied Karin "I'm also sure that he'll be posting it everywhere too. Of course, he also posted it online on his website earlier."

With a howl of anger, Ichigo dashed to the clinic with Karin's laughter echoing in the house.

(End of flashback)

(Page Break)

"Ichigo – idiot." Kon cried out heatedly. "This is all your fault!"

"My fault?" Ichigo asked in mid-dress. "I have no idea what the hell you're blabbering about."

Kon jumped on the bed to face the pissed teenager. "You may have tried to remove the posters, but did you go to your old man's website and deleted the ad?"

"His laptop has a password, dumbass." Ichigo sneered.

"You could have talked to nee – san and told her to say no to your old man's plans."

Ichigo gave the modsoul a withered glance. "And is that supposed to be MY problem?"

Beating his previous record of getting dressed, Ichigo was able to make it downstairs by 8:05 am. – which was earlier than expected of him during the weekend. "Rukia!" he called out. He had to get her out of here; at least Byakuya would be grateful that he made an effort and possibly spare his body from being chopped to pieces. "Oi, Rukia!"

He stopped dead in his tracks when he saw his father lounging downstairs. Isshin was wearing a smart-looking corporate attire suit.

"Whose funeral would you be attending old man?"

Isshin flashed Ichigo a brilliant smile. "I'm just dressing up accordingly, of course. Yuzu, come on and join papa!"

Wordlessly, Ichigo's other sister came out, wearing a nice sundress in a peach color.

"Are you going out?" Ichigo asked her. "Where's Rukia?"

Yuzu shook her head. "Ichi – nii, Rukia nee and Karin went out to buy chappy merchandise. I'm staying here to help mind the guests."

"This early?" Ichigo was tempted to think that his stupid father premeditated this. "What guests?"

Isshin laughed. "Oh dear, have you forgotten Ichigo, today is the day we talk to potential suitors of Rukia – chan!" He glanced disapprovingly at his son's clothing. A long sleeved white shirt with a print that read 'Look Out, Dumbass' over a tattered pair of jeans. "You better get dressed in something nice, Ichigo. We have to make an impression today!"

"Why the hell should I give a good impression?"

Isshin gave him a look that asked 'Are you stupid or are you high?' before telling him "Ichigo, we – as Rukia – chan's family – have to make sure that we give a good impression so as not to embarrass our dear girl."

Ignoring the 'dear girl' comment, Ichigo glared at his father "Why do we have to make a good impression?" If it were Byakuya that was coming over, he'd hightail it from here.

Of course, it was highly impossible, since no one knew about Rukia's family except for him and his other friends.

If anything else, Isshin's smirk grew more and more pronounced that it was glaringly blinding him like a spot of the sun reflected on Ikaku's bald head. "Why, we're expecting Rukia-chan's first date to arrive today!"

One of these days, Ichigo thought in annoyance, his family would be the death of him.

Suddenly, the doorbell rang.

"Ah!" Isshin said happily, "I hope it's the first candidate."

Yuzu bolted to the kitchen "Oh no! I still haven't started making the sandwiches!"

Before anyone could say anything, Ichigo was already at the door with a scowl on his face. "This bastard better be selling dumb stuff or else…"

As Ichigo opened the door, he came face to face with a bucket hat and a fan. It was the familiar face of the weird guy named Urahara Kisuke outside his doorstep. He was really there, wearing his signature outfit. A moss-green pair of hakama and gi underneath a dark haori.

Sandal-hat? What in Soul Society's name is he doing outside their doorstep? Ichigo suddenly had a flashback of his nightmare. "What?" He asked the storeowner-former-shinigami-captain harshly. He was grateful to Urahara Kisuke for helping him gain power to save Rukia and all, but if he were a 'candidate,' Ichigo would have to go bankai on him.

All to ensure that Byakuya wouldn't have his head of course, and for no other reason.

"Ah! Greetings from the Urahara Store! Would you be interested to buy our latest product?" Urahara said in a believable home TV shopping salesman voice as he stepped inside the house.

"Hey, wait –

Holding up a large bag, Urahara continued to go inside "Aside from candies and other forms of deliciously sweet treats, the Urahara Store is now branching out to provide various filling meals such as sushi and tempura!"

"Oi, stop that, I'm talking to you here –

"But wait!" Urahara said in a dramatic pose, in an overly cheery tone that made Ichigo cringe. "Purchase our special party-sushi and tempura package and get a free tea set service with complimentary tea leaves enough for a party of 30 and up!"

Ichigo suddenly grabbed Urahara by his haori. "What the hell are you doing here?"

"Ichigo?" Isshin called out. "Is that our first candidate?" Suddenly, the elder Kurosaki was at the door. He looked at Urahara curiously. "May I ask who you are?"

"This is no one –

"Me?" Urahara asked in a lazy drawl as he gave an exaggerated bow. "I'm a mere honest, handsome, perverted businessman who goes by the name Urahara Kisuke. I'm offering our latest merchandise here. May I ask who is it that I am addressing?"

Isshin stood up straighter and puffed out his chest "Why I am Kurosaki Isshin; a loving father, doctor, and current match-maker for my third daughter!" He spied the large container Urahara was holding and he went drooling. "Wait, do my eyes deceive me, or is that sushi?"

Urahara whipped his fan close and tapped the container "You are absolutely correct, Kurosaki-san! How perceptive of you! This is Urahara Store's latest product: the Urahara Sushi and Tempura Platter, perfect for parties and other celebrations, even for funerals!"

"Perfect!" Isshin cried out happily. "Yuzu! Yuzu, you shouldn't make sandwiches anymore, we'll just offer them sushi!"

From the kitchen, Yuzu replied with a cheerful "Okay Dad." Before she skipped out to meet Urahara. "Good morning to you, Mr. Businessman – san."

"Call me Urahara, my dear lovely girl. Is this your daughter?" At Isshin's enthusiastic nod, he replied "Wonderful! As our store's first customer, I'll be willing to lend my services and assist in serving the food. You have guests, am I correct? May I ask the occasion?"

Quickly, Isshin whipped out a small picture of Rukia. "This is my third daughter, Rukia – chan. Today is the day she'll go out on her first date. Unfortunately, I have to make sure she only goes out with someone who will respect and cherish her. This is why we have this interview date set for applicants!"

"Oh! Cute. Kurosaki – san, your third daughter is very, very cute. I absolutely love the dress, it brings out the sparkle in her jewel-like eyes!" Cooed Urahara. "I'm sure that many boys will be flocking to your home today."

Ichigo felt the first stirrings of a massive migrane. That or a case of brain aneurism. It was already bad that his father roped Yuzu into this scheme. But to have someone like Urahara join in was the herald of an impending apocalypse. He was fortunate enough that the two did not know each other; he could only imagine how bad that would –

Wait. How the hell did his father have a picture of Rukia anyway? Ichigo glanced at the picture his father was holding like a revered object. How did he get her to pose anyway? Of course the Chappy the Bunny plushie must be the reason. In the picture, Rukia was smiling happily at the camera while she held the stuffed toy close to her in an affectionate gesture that was unheard of in ANY shinigami of her caliber. The yellow sleeveless dress really looked good on her…

"If only SOMEONE would just hurry and confess to my dear third daughter, then she wouldn't have this sort of problem in her hands." Isshin said pointedly. "I'm fairly certain that there must be SOMEONE who is just DYING to take my precious Rukia – chan on her very important and highly memorable first date."

"Ah. So I see. First dates are really important." Drawled Urahara in obvious agreement as he flipped his fan close and open again. "The excitement of such is what parents look forward to, seeing that their children are now grown up to experience such things…" He snuck a look at Ichigo who stood nearby and looking out the window. "I suppose you already gave your third daughter THE TALK?"

Suddenly, Ichigo spun to face them, his frown more pronounced that ever. His hands were clenched tightly it was fortunate he wasn't holding anything.

As if nothing was wrong with discussing certain embarrassing things in public, for Ichigo at least, Isshin replied. "I'm sure she can handle it. My third daughter has strong legs to kick and she may have a great right hook which she can use in case a guy gets fresh later!"

"Old man…" Ichigo grumbled out. This day was slowly turning out to be worse than yesterday. Hell, he would gladly take a spar with Kenpachi in exchange for this day never happening.

Urahara laughed gaily. "Of course! But Kurosaki – san, first dates also mean first kisses!"

"That's IT!" Shouted Ichigo angrily, a vein twitching on his head. "No one's coming, I'm closing the clinic for today." He then headed to the clinic, cracking his knuckles as he went.

Isshin turned to give Urahara a smug smile and a thumbs-up.

"Kurosaki – kun is definitely mad about something, is he not?" Urahara asked with amusement. He flipped the fan open and giggled behind it. "Very alpha male behavior too…"

"It was bound to happen sooner or later." Isshin said as he shrugged. "But he's still far from snapping."

"Oh he will. Before the day is over, he will."

The two former comrades looked at each other before smiling and giggling like old men on meth.

Suddenly, Isshin looked at his fellow former shinigami. "Um, Kisuke, do you have sashimi with you there?"

(Page Break)

"And don't you ever show your face here again, you hear?" Shouted Ichigo as he chased the twenty-fifth boy who showed up in the clinic. Just to get the point across, Ichigo decided to chuck an empty plastic bottle of antiseptic at the young man from a nearby high school. It bounced loudly on the other's head. Kendo master up his ass indeed, Ichigo sneered inwardly.

For the last hour, he had been standing guard at the door of the clinic to make sure that no one gets into the house. So far, he had been up against numerous people, some of which were a karate black belter, a wrestler, a football quarterback, a boxer, gangster wannabee, and a triathlete. All of them were wimps who were really snot-faced high school and college students. Though he was not in shinigami form, he gave them a pounding that they will never forget. One of them even bought his gang in hopes of beating him to a bloody pulp. However, Ichigo breezed through them in just 5 minutes. It was really not that impressive, considering he fought strong shinigami and hollow alike to be fazed by such wimps.

Okay, so he went especially easy with the math nerd with the glasses and he took pains to avoid breaking the hands of the pianist who left crying like a three-year-old. But as a whole, Ichigo was able to release some steam by pounding these so-called 'applicants.'

"Heh. Wimpy asshole." A voice muttered behind him.

Ichigo turned and looked down to glare at the modsoul. "Get back in the room, Kon." He hissed. "Don't make me call Yuzu."

"Heh. I'm here to save nee – san." Kon said emphatically. "There is no way hormonal teenagers will get their hands near MY nee – san."

Ichigo snorted "There's no bigger pervert here in Karakura than you, Kon."

"What? Who was the one who had a perverted dream about nee – san anyway?"

"It was NOT a perverted dream!" Argued Ichigo, his face beet red. "You're as perverted as Keigo. In fact, I don't know which of you two is worse.

"Heh. Stop the tough act, Ichigo – idiot." Kon said emphatically, as his eyes glazed over. "You don't find Rukia – nee hot? Hmm, true she may not have the heavenly valley of the gods, but she's got great legs, a milky complexion, and soft skin that smells like ambrosia - "

If Ichigo was red before, hearing Rukia's so-called 'enchanting points' now made Ichigo almost combustible. "I said shut it, Kon."

"Well well…" came Kon's maniacal chuckling. "Why is it that Ichigo is so blind to nee – san's charms? You've been very nonplussed about women, aren't you? Tatsuki, Orihime, and nee – san." He stepped up the desk so he can look closer at the orange-haired substitute shinigami. "Could it be, Ichigo is gay?"

Suddenly, Ichigo grabbed Kon by his neck. "You bastard…" he hissed at the plushie. "When I'm through with you, you'll be wishing that you stayed in Yuzu's room as her doll bostafu."

"Eeeeppp!"

"Ichigo!" Isshin called out from inside the house. "Are there no walk – in applicants?"

"Hmp. Like there would be any." Ichigo hollered back. "I told you this plan was stupid."

There was a pause, then "Well its okay. Walk – in applicants aren't really promising. We'll just deal with those who had great marks in their essay. We have one here now."

"What?" Ichigo and Kon cried out at the same time. "How the HELL did that bastard get in?"

(Page Break)

Searchee #1

"Why a horror movie is in order. As we all know, a horror movie is the way to go! Afterwards, dinner at a classy restaurant – where I have coupons, of course – then the date is to be capped by karaoke!"

"Well, I'm very impressed at your essay, Mr. Asano –

"Please just call me Keigo, sir!" Keigo said bowing deeply. "I was only writing from the depths of my heart –

(Ichigo just had to gag and throw up somewhere at Keigo's anticts.)

- I consider Kuchiki – san as a wonderful, talented, kind-hearted, and beautiful girl. I would be more than honored to date her!"

Isshin nodded and looked at Yuzu who was seated beside him and Urahara who was to his extreme left. "Yes, she really is all those things and more, but I don't think my dear Rukia – chan would love horror films, nor is she the type who'd go to a karaoke."

"More sushi, Asano – san?" Yuzu asked. "Well, I think that Asano – san is a nice person (Ichigo snorts, Keigo was not nice.). And I think that he means well by taking Rukia – nee out on an expensive restaurant."

Beside her, Urahara snapped his fan open. "It was a horrid date idea. In my opinion, guys who bring their dates to a scary movie only want to cop a feel sometime later." He fanned himself studiously before giving Keigo a sly look "I'm sure you're waiting for Kuchiki – san to feel scared in the middle of the movie, don't you, Asano – kun? Bringing her to an expensive restaurant is not just a ploy to get her drunk, right?"

Yuzu gasped. "No way!"

"Told you he's a pervert." Grumbled Ichigo. "You shouldn't have let him in." Angrily he wondered who it was that helped Keigo get in the house. Though his father was a complete moron, he could be the culprit. Then again, if Urahara was here, he could likely be the one to blame. Somehow, Ichigo wondered just how it is that Keigo was able to make a good essay when he was the one who abhorred such projects in school. Since he was 100 percent sure that his sister could not have helped him, the only idea Ichigo had left was that Keigo paid someone to write his essay.

Due to blackmail, Ichigo was now unable to bodily haul any 'searchee' until the entire panel has rejected them. His father, Yuzu, and Urahara took it to themselves to screen the applicants and pass the verdict. In annoyance, Ichigo grimaced once again. As soon as they say the word, Ichigo would throw Keigo out of the house.

"Asano."

They all turned to see the rare sight of a pissed Isshin. "Is that really your plan for my third daughter?" A dark aura now surrounded Isshin. "Because I have to warn you, I am not tolerant of those males who take advantage of my precious daughters."

Keigo fidgeted uncomfortably. "N-n-no, s-sir!"

"Great!" Laughed Isshin as he stood up and patted Keigo on the shoulder. The dark cloud was immediately dispersed and everything became sunny once again. "Nice to hear, I like this guy!"

As Isshin went on to talk about different date movies, Ichigo took the time to look at his father. True, his old man can be an idiot most of the time, but he really would take care of his daughters.

Karin and Yuzu definitely would be taken care of when they discover dating, if his behavior regarding Rukia was any indication. However, he'd rather handle it himself than risk another episode like this in the future.

"Unfortunately, since there is no unanimous vote, we have to turn you down." Isshin finished seriously.

"NO!" Cried Keigo.

"Oh yes." Ichigo said as he reached Keigo in a flash and grabbed him be the collar. "You should have just ignored the poster, Keigo." He said somberly.

"But, I saw it in the Internet, Ichigo!" Keigo tried to explain. "You wouldn't do this to a friend, won't you?"

Wordlessly, Ichigo dragged Keigo towards the front door.

"Please, do reconsider, oh dad!" The now hysterical Keigo sobbed.

"Dad?" Ichigo asked incredulously. "Who are you calling dad? It better not be my old man you fool."

"WAIT!" Screamed Keigo "Are you doing this because you like Kuchiki – san and you want to go out with her? If that's the case –

"Goodbye, Keigo." Ichigo gritted out as he threw his classmate out of his home.

"Your son is SO violent, Kurosaki – san." Urahara said while chuckling from behind his fan.

(Page Break)

Seachee # 2

"I am well aware that women look for romance and affection. Kuchiki – san deserves all of these things. A girl as cute as her should be given a first date to remember. I'd start by taking her out to shop for adorable and cute stuffed animals; I think she likes that rabbit-thing. For dinner, we will eat at a nearby traditional soba house after we go to a museum of the Edo period, since Kuchiki – san seems to be very knowledgeable in Japanese history –

(You don't know half of it, Ichigo thought to himself).

I also have it on good authority – I did a research by the way – that she enjoys strawberries, so for dessert, we will head off to the market to buy them, then we'll eat them at the park with melted chocolate and cream."

Isshin, Yuzu, and Urahara looked at each other. "Um… well, I think that's a great idea for a date. Very impressive that you researched thoroughly on some of Rukia – chan's tastes. However, we feel that we have to say no."

"Does this have something to do with the fact that I'm a girl too?"

Isshin sighed "Ms. Honsho –

"Please call me Chizuru, Kurosaki – sama." Chizuru said bowing and giving the panel a level stare.

"My dear Chizuru. We're looking for guys to take my third daughter out." Isshin explained patiently, still floored at the idea of a girl – okay, a lesbian – being this aggressive in securing a date from his third daughter to give any exaggerated reaction.

Chizuru gasped in surprise "But I know a lot about her! You can't find a decent date like me!"

"Yes, but you're a girl." Urahara said placatingly, likewise as surprised as Isshin. Normally, these two men were able to take some comments like this in stride, but for today, they were simply… shocked to say the least. "I doubt that Kuchiki – san's preferences lean towards yours."

"But girls can do the same thing as boys!" She shrieked, appalled. "There are equal rights given to women. Denying me due to my gender and sexual orientation can be considered as harassment and prejudice!"

"I'm all for promoting the Women's Lib, yes, but I won't get any grandkids from you." Isshin said with a pout.

"That's absurd!" Chizuru said hotly. "I'll have you know that in the near future, reproduction through same-sex will be very much possible! Soon, I WILL have kids with the girl of my dreams, be it Kuchiki – san or my Hime!"

Isshin frowned "But I'm already old! I can't wait for the near future!"

Ichigo felt the need to intervene. "Oi, Chizuro. Let's go." He said, taking hold of the girl's arm and pulling her off the chair.

"I'm open to three-way!" Chiziru shouted as a last-ditch effort. "I'm also VERY adventurous."

Urahara looked at Isshin. "I'll bet." He said drolly. "That seems to be very promising and interesting."

"Sorry." Isshin called out, his hands still covering Yuzu's ears. He had been in that position since Chiziru said something about same-sex reproduction. Now, Isshin was a very scientific man, but for his innocent girl to hear about kinky stuff was something that Masaki would castrate

him in the afterlife for. Besides, he was more interested in cloning anyway. "Come back again sometime!" He called out to the girl.

"But...But…" Chizuro mumbled incoherently. "I'm a good date. Guys are pigs and morons anyway. Wait." She said, brightening up suddenly "My Hime! She's more open-minded about this things than old geezers anyway!"

"Of course she is." Ichigo said, agreeing with the distraught girl. Sorry, Inoue, he thought. I have to sic this weirdo on you.

Chizuro nodded as she stepped out. "Hey you know what? Your sister's kinda cute."

Ichigo forced himself not to fall facedown "She's too young for you." He said curtly.

"By the way, Kurosaki – san. Are you coming out of the closet then?"

"What?" Ichigo asked in surprise.

"Since you don't like Kuchiki – san, are you gay too?"

Good manners be damned.

(Page Break)

Searchee # 3

"I'm sure that Kuchiki – san will enjoy a good play in the evening. I can procure tickets to a really good Neil Simon's play that will be showing later. Should Kuchiki – san prefer something more near her age and tastes, I can arrange for two tickets to watch the Prince of Tennis musical play. There's also this new Italian restaurant that will be opening this evening, I've heard that Utada Hikaru will be performing there. Also, Isaka Tatsuya will also be there, as he is a friend of the owner." He then took out his cell phone. "In fact, let me ask if I can get a limo ride. My friend knows someone who operates such services. I think I can get a really large discount, if not get it for free."

"Very impressive." Isshin said. "So, Mr. Kojima – can I call you Mizuiro, by the way?

"By all means, Kurosaki – sensei, please do."

"Now, in your essay, you said that you are a friend of Rukia – chan."

"Yes that is correct." Mizuiro said as he continued to type something in his cell phone.

Isshin looked at the paper before continuing. "You also made mention that Rukia – chan really is not your type, but you're willing to help her out experience her first date, is that correct too?"

"Yes, Kurosaki – sensei."

"Can you tell me why on both counts?"

Now if there were anyone of the idiots that Ichigo felt the least to throttle, it would be Mizuiro. He himself said that Rukia wasn't his type. Of course, only idiots like Keigo would find Rukia attractive.

"As Kuchiki – san' s friend, I am very worried that males might take advantage of her innocence and naivety.

(Ichigo wanted to gag. Rukia, naiive and innocent? Sure, and Godzilla really was a nice pet to have.)

I'm sure that her experiencing what goes on during a date will be very educational for her. Besides, I like older women better. Compared to teenagers, mature women go into a relationship with both eyes open. There are no strings attached and they are more intelligent to talk to. Of course, mature women are also mainly uninhibited and they are very adventurous in many things, if you know what I mean." Mizuiro said with a sly smile. "Now, if Kuchiki – san was definitely older than me, well that's a different matter entirely."

Ichigo and the others looked up. Now that he was warming up to a topic he liked, the smile on Mizuiro's face was definitely charming yet rakish at the same time. Needless to say, Ichigo knew that this was the face that wooed many a mature and successful woman.

Unaware of the looks he was being given, Mizuiro continued on, enamored. "I would definitely find Kuchiki – san worthy of pursuit. It goes without saying that I am very relentless and my success is 90 guaranteed. In the event the relationship goes to a different path, we would still remain good friends."

"Dear god, don't make Mizuiro find out that Rukia is a shinigami 100 years older than him." Ichigo muttered to himself. He saw a side of his playboy friend that he wished he never ever saw.

"Of course, it goes without saying that my girlfriend encouraged me to apply."

"Girlfriend?" The others burst out.

Ichigo glared at his father. "Despite his little boy lost looks, Mizuiro is a notorious womanizer. He has a girlfriend 10 years older than him."

"Yes, Kurosaki – sensei. I have an older girlfriend. In fact, she suggested that I go out on dates with girls my age so I wouldn't be bored when she can't go out with me because of her heavy work schedule." Mizuiro nodded with pride at his girlfriend. "Besides, she said that girls want to be with mature men, so I guess nothing's wrong with that once in a while. I'm in a very open relationship."

"Really? Is that… well, possible?" Isshin asked with interest as Urahara just looked, dumbfounded that such a young man had so much maturity and experience. It was actually unnerving.

"Certainly. In fact my current girlfriend was introduced to me by the previous girlfriend while we were still dating."

Yup, Ichigo was right not to let Mizuiro in on the secret that Rukia was a shinigami that was more than twice his age.

Mizuiro's phone started to ring. "Ah, excuse me for a moment. Hello? Oh, hi darling. Yes, I'm asking her out on a date now… Really, you've got tickets available? Great…. And Chiyama – san will let me borrow the limo for free? Wonderful…"

Isshin and Urahara looked at each other. "This kid is amazing."

"I wonder if he takes pupils."

Yuzu suddenly looked at her father. "DAD! We can't let Rukia – nee go out on just a friendly date! This is supposed to be her first ROMANTIC date!"

(Page Break)

Searchee #4

"Do you mind explaining why I am here?" The irate voice of Ishida Uryu resounded within the Kurosaki living room.

Somewhere behind him, Ichigo released a pent-up sigh. This day was getting nowhere.

Isshin looked carefully at Ishida "This is an interview for prospective dates for Rukia – chan."

Pushing his glasses up the bridge of his nose, Ishida said frostily. "And why would I date Kuchiki – san then?"

Urahara folded his fan shut. "Well, I think that's what you're here for; to tell us WHY."

"Kuchiki is just a classmate. I am not interested in her in any form or way. Why I would go out with her on a date is way beyond my comprehension."

"I didn't know your son has idiotic friends who are low on comprehension." Urahara said in a stage whisper to Isshin. "Clearly, this one got hit on the head when he was born."

Ishida glared at the two grown-ups. "When I received an e-mail saying to submit my comprehensive resume, I was assuming that it was in deference to my abilities and not this farce where I would be made a fool."

Yuzu looked at her father in confusion. "Abilities?"

Ishida looked at Ichigo's sister in order to explain "My abilities in sewing. Perhaps I should offer to make Kuchiki a dress then."

"Oh no, she already has one. We went out yesterday." Yuzu explained paitiently.

"Oh my, Kurosaki – san, you roped in a pansy!" Urahara said in an exaggeratedly surprised voice.

Isshin sighed in disappointment as he drank his tea. "Too bad, I thought, since he loves Don Kanonji's Bura-Rei he is also a cool guy."

"Che. No one who watches Don Kanoji can be considered as cool."

Ishida did not even turn to face Ichigo as he said "And I suppose a Neanderthal like you can be considered as cool and learned?"

"Hey listen here you pansy, last I checked, sewing and watching Bura-Rei does not a Renaissance Man make." Countered Ichigo angrily.

Ishida suddenly sprung up and faced Ichigo. The Quincy glared at the substitute shinigami coldly. "Why you stupid –

"I dare you to finish that pansy." Ichigo said. The challenge in his amber eyes was now unmistakable. Due to the events that happened recently, Ichigo was feeling the tension reach him. He was now itching for a fight, and if this jerk didn't stop talking, he'll go bankai on his Quincy hide.

"This scenario really looks familiar." Mused Urahara almost to himself as he watched the two young men glare at each other.

"I wonder how Ryuken is doing, that lame-ass bastard." Isshin said to himself as he ate some more sashimi.

Ishida glared at Ichigo. "Look, I don't want to be here, okay? Someone just asked for my resume. Believe me, I have no intention on dating Kuchiki!"

"Well good, because – wait! Wait up! I don't even care if you want to go out with that midget!" Ichigo spluttered.

Ishida raised an eybrow. "Oh, so if I were to go out with Kuchiki, you'd have no problem with that?"

"Absolutely none!" Shouted Ichigo.

The two were caught up in their fight that they failed to notice that they had an audience.

"This is actually better than My Girl…My Life…. My Love – In Paris: Forever, you know, Kisuke. This was just like in that episode where Ian went against his love rival, Daniel." He said in between mouthfuls of sushi and sashimi. "Ah, no more tea."

Yuzu stood up, "I'll get some, Dad."

"Oh no, Yuzu, it's a shame for you to miss this one."

Urahara flipped his fan close. "Oh, so you watch My Girl…My Life…. My Love – In Paris: Forever too, Kurosaki – san? That's our favorite show in the shop. Ururu simply can't bear to miss an episode."

"Ah, my darling girls are also big fans of that show!"

"Why don't you just take the midget out on a date and give me some peace of mind?" Ichigo shouted, pointing an accusing finger at the Quincy.

"Be careful with what you wish for, Kurosaki. Who knows, you just might get what you want." Threatened Ishida. "I'm sure that would be an eventful night for you, pacing in your room, waiting when Kuchiki would come home. Then again, maybe you'd go out and stalk her to see how her date is going."

Ichigo's blood begun to boil "You wish!"

Suddenly, Ishida gave a triumphant and knowing smirk.

"Ah." Urahara mumbled. "Is this the end game?"

"Well." Ishida said smugly, "at least I'm considerate enough to tell you that when I take her out tonight, she will enjoy the date. So as to save you the time and effort in going after us, let me assure you that I will keep my hands to myself until we reach your household."

"What. Are. You. Talking. About." Ichigo gritted out.

"Why the post-date kiss, of course Kurosaki. Do you think that I would forget that part?" Ishida smiled. "Do you think that I would be Kuchiki's first kiss?"

That was all it took for Ichigo to snap. In a flash, he was already in front of Ishida. "What did you say you bastard?" He growled. The nearness of the substitute shinigami made Ishida aware of the simmering reiatsu that he was emitting. To his surprise and horror, blackness was building up at the corner of his eyes.

"Oh dear." Urahara said, standing up immediately.

"Yuzu! Get some go to the store and get me 2 cups of instant ramen and a pack of juice, NOW! Isshin ordered his daughter, handing her his wallet before ushering her out of the room. Quickly he thrust in her arms a stuffed plushie of a lion. "Bring Bostafu with you, he'll love the fresh air!"

Kon simply sweatdropped. As Yuzu stepped out of the house in a dash, Isshin immediately ran to his son. "Ichigo!" he cried as he kicked the young man smack on his head. "How dare you be that way to our guest?"

Urahara ushered Isshida to the door. "Thank you for coming. However, the vote is unanimous, you're simply too boring for Kuchiki – san. So there, goodbye!"

(Page Break)

Searchee #5

It took quite a while before Ichigo was able to calm down. He was silently berating himself for losing control of his reiatsu. It was a miracle that no hollow decided to head over to his home to look for him. Behind his mind, he heard his hollow side snicker again. The bastard actually though of taking advantage of him even while he was in his body! Ichigo had to remind himself to kill Ishida the next time he saw him, which was tomorrow at school.

Finally, Yuzu returned from her impromptu trip to the store.

"Well then. I'm sure that we can pull this one off and get a date for Rukia – chan tonight, eh?" isshin said good-naturedly as he sifted through his papers.

"Give it up, old man." Ichigo said. "There is no way you'd pull this scheme off in time for Rukia's arrival."

"Oh but Kurosaki – kun, never underestimate miracles." Urahara said loftily. Life has a way of doing reeeaaaallly crazy things!"

"Can this be?" Isshin said in a surprised tone. "I thought my eyes were deceiving me, but no!"

"We have another applicant?" Yuzu asked hopefully.

"I have a feeling that 5 is our lucky number." Urahara predicted.

Ichigo scoffed at his father "Shut your trap old man. No one is outside."

Isshin immediately showed the manila envelope and its contents to Urahara and Yuzu.

"I don't believe it!" Yuzu gushed out. "This is…this is…"

Urahara flipped his fan open and laughed. "I'll be damned, now pigs really do fly!"

"Or hell just froze over." Isshin said in reverence.

Ichigo was annoyed enough at the dramatics. As far as he knew, there was no one outside the house, so there were no other applicants waiting for their interview. However, he froze as he saw the three look at him. "What?" He asked surly.

Was it his imagination, or was Kon – who was held by Yuzu – giving him a beady-eyed glare?

Isshin stood up immediately. "Ichigo! I never knew that you were interested in Rukia – chan that way! I'm SO proud that you finally took a step into becoming a real man!"

"I agree." Urahara said. "Definitely a go-getter, that son of yours is, Kurosaki - san. Who knew he had such a forceful personality?"

"What?" Ichigo fairly shouted. "Don't give me that crap, old man! There is NO WAY –

" - In hell?" Urahara interjected.

"Only when –

"- Pigs fly?" Urahara asked hopefully.

"SHUT UP!"

Isshin gave his son a laughing look "Oh but my dear son, you submitted your resume, statement of our household's assets and liabilities, and your essay on the topic Why Should Rukia-Chan Pick Me As Her Date! Mind you, you also gave a 2X2" picture, though not in blue background. But I suppose we can let that slide. "

"Lemme see that!" Ichigo shouted as he lunged at his father, trying to grab the papers.

No way! No freaking way! Everything was accounted for, even the stupid essay. The handwriting was his; in fact, there was no mistaking it. In similar Ichigo fashion, the essay was only a single page and in one line. The answer to the question Why Should Rukia-Chan Pick Me As Her Date was only done in a single, forceful sentence: Because Kuchiki Rukia is MINE alone.

As Ichigo heard the familiar snickering in his head, he realized that there was a reason he slept for so long and had nightmares last night.

"I think we have a winner! Oh Maksai! I'm so happy that our son has finally acknowledged the burning passion that he definitely has for my dear third daughter!" Isshin's happy voice was heard in the background, amidst the cheers of "Banzai!"

The horse really had a way of trying to unseat its rider.

(Page Break)

A/N: One more chapter down! By far, the longest I wrote for this fic. Sorry for the words (Page Break) coming out many times. I really don't know how to separate the paragraphs.

Okay, so first up, thanks to the kind people who reviewed my previous two chapters! I feel happy to get your wonderful encouragement and compliments! Congratulations to Rawr Cheese who was so nice to reply to my question. Yes, it was Ichigo's hollow that was laughing all the while. I'm sure many of you thought that I was mental for just randomly mentioning the laughter (Don't worry, I'm used to being called crazy) but I was really trying to set the mood for this chapter.

Now, lets get down to business. Do you guys think that this chapter is kinda OOC? I tried to put myself in their shoes and just imagine how they'd react to Isshin, so I'm sorry if it seemed a bit off. Seriously folks, I'm trying so hard to make sure that you guys will enjoy the story. I mean, frankly, I don't enjoy OOC stories as well, so I consciously make an effort or justify my use of OOC moments. The part where Chizuru and Mizuiro were interviewed was my favorite parts. Then the one with Ishida and Ichigo came next. As for the dream sequence (or nightmare sequence, if you may), it was very difficult to write, considering I haven't seen an episode of Ichigo's dream (or did I miss one?) so I had to really wrack my brains for inspiration.

Finally, two favorite characters of mine make an appearance: Kon and Urahara. Based on the episodes that I've watched, Ichigo has no idea that his father and Urahara knew each other since both were former shinigami captains. That's why I went out of the way to get Urahara into the house without raising suspicious. Unfortunately, that was the only plausible idea that I had. Hope it was okay for you guys. I also made references to My Girl…My Life…. My Love – In Paris: Forever. The show I made by stringing themes and titles from popular Asian dramas. Once again, no infringement was done, ok? I also mentioned POT, a favorite show of mine, while I added Utada Hikaru as well since I like her songs. The actor Isaka Tatsuya is the really cute guy who played Ichigo Kurosaki in the BuriMyu or the Bleach Rock Musical. I think he looks the part, especially since he had his hair dyed orange. He's just so kawaii!

To wrap this LONG commentary, thank you once again for waiting for this installment. I have to find my muse so we can do the much-awaited chapter where Ichigo and Rukia go on a date. Argh! Must concentrate… I need my Bleach fix. And oh yeah, please take the time to review. I really want to know what you guys think of this chapter and this story.

So, until then: I'll see you when I see you!


	5. The NOT Date

Chapter 5 – The NOT Date

Summary: "Well Ichigo?" Rukia asked impatiently.

"Whuh?" he asked stupidly. What the hell did she expect him to say anyway? Ichigo wondered just what kind of education Rukia got from the Kuchiki tutors that made her this naive. She expected him, no scratch it, she was told that it was REQUIRED of him to GROPE her!

Fiction Rating: T or M, for violence, potty mouth, and other 'stuff.'

Characters: Isshin, Yuzu, Karin, KON, Urahara, and IchigoXRukia, Hollow Ichigo

Disclaimner: I'm working on a long-range hypnotic technique so I can own Bleach.

SPOILERS: Watch the anime? Well, spoilers are up to the Arrancar arc.

WARNING: This fic may contain "vague" traces of OOC-ness that can cause headaches, stomachaches, muscle aches and other whatnots. If symptoms persist, head off to the 4th Division IMMEDIATELY! Oh, the first part will start quite slow due to my insane reasons, so please bear with it, okay?

(Page Break)

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The silence really was deafening. Ichigo, in hindsight realized that this whole fiasco was partially his fault. If he hadn't been stupid enough to be baited by his crazy father with inappropriate comments and various innuendos, he wouldn't have been in this mess.

However, that did not mean that Isshin was off the hook. As far as Ichigo was concerned, his old man was going to be a dead man in a matter of moments. Indulging the ancient fart's perverse fantasies was the last thing Ichigo wanted to do. After reading that damning essay, Isshin was far from convinced that his son had no feelings for his adopted third daughter. Ichigo tried and tried to explain, he screamed and shouted; caught his father in a deadlock and threatened to off him if he didn't stop this nonsense. But in true Isshin fashion, the Kurosaki patriarch countered the attack and ordered him to 'be a man and accept the passionate and profound feelings you have for Rukia-chan.'

When Ichigo angrily said that threats of violence would not do, Isshin immediately headed to Masaki's memorial poster and unloaded his feelings of disappointment at his oldest child. Even Urahara tried to convince Ichigo, but it was to no avail.

In the end, it was the Kurosaki household's crybaby, Yuzu who convinced Ichigo. She sobbingly tugged and pulled at her older brother's arms as tears streamed down her sad, doe eyes.

Who could resist that look anyway? Ichigo felt like a complete villain, the one who ran over helpless, furry, and cute animals for no apparent reason. Honestly, with eyes like that, it would probably prove difficult for Ichigo to beat away many boys when Yuzu grew up.

"Stupid Ichigo." A petulant voice said from under Ichigo's bed. Normally, the hyperactively perverted modsoul by the name of Kon would have been doing a lot of irritating things by this time. Unfortunately, the little idiot bugger was really down and depressed. It was pretty obvious that Kon took the idea of him going out with Rukia the wrong way and was acting so dejected, it was almost pitiful.

That hollow side of him better be off hiding in the back of his mind. If Ichigo had his way, he would have definitely gone to find the culprit who caused this THING and run Zangetsu through him. Twice. In an agonizingly slow way too.

Have a fun night, King; his hollow side snickered.

Fuck you, bastard; Ichigo mentally cursed.

One of these days, he was really going to give that hollow the bashing of his life. How in the name of all holy souls would he have known that the fucking bastard had a very unhealthy desire for Rukia anyway? Seriously, hollows like this one were just plain whacked.

Well, and you're just plain retarded; the voice behind his head said again. King, it's either you're blind or seriously repressed; it added.

Finally, Ichigo decided not to delay the inevitable. He stood up calmly and walked out of his room. His old man insisted that he wear something more formal aside from his jeans and sweatshirt ("Now Ichigo, how do you expect to get lucky with that hideous apparel? You won't reach second base with rags like that, you know") so he found himself wearing a pair of dark slacks and a simple yet classy shirt with collar and long sleeves. Well, if his father expected him to wear a suit and tie, he would be in for a major disappointment. Maybe he could convince Rukia to ditch the plans laid out by his father, and in stead just go and hang out at the local pizza parlor then head off to the arcade and bookstore. He'd even be willing to buy the troublesome shinigami some chappy merchandise with his own savings.

"Hmm, not exactly GQ material, but I guess that will do." Isshin said critically as he observed his son's attire. He suddenly handed over a white envelope to his surprise son. "Your friend, Mizuiro, was kind enough to give you this gift certificate and he just booked a table for two, so you'd better thank him tomorrow."

It was a full course meal certificate at a popular Italian restaurant that was visited by the so-called 'sophisticated' crowd of adults in Karakura.

Well, Ichigo thought surly, there goes the pizza parlor plan.

In apprehension, Ichigo wondered if his father would be dispensing unneeded advice, so he just slunk away to sit at the farthest corner of the room. Beside him, Kisuke Urahara was watching him with obvious mirth while busying himself with his fan. "Would you care for some manly perfume?" He asked the uncomfortable teen. "I have a new product here that is guaranteed to stimulate –

"I don't need anything with the word stimulating in it."

"Pst." Isshin called out as he slowly slid beside Ichigo. "Here, take this." He said as he handed over another envelope.

Heaving a long-suffering sigh, Ichigo took a peek.

His face turned bright red. "What the hell!" He hissed at his father as he dropped the package like it filled with hot coal "Why are you giving me THIS?"

"Just in case you get REALLY lucky!" Isshin chuckled perversely as he wagged his eyebrows suggestively. "Urahara-san was very kind enough to purchase that for you."

"You perverts!" Ichigo almost shrieked, conscious that his young sisters were just across them, watching Don Kanonji on TV. "Who said anything about wanting THIS?"

Urahara gave him an affronted look, "But Kurosaki-kun, that's the latest and most popular flavor today; it's also very popular with our young customers. Is it not to your liking?"

"Told you that was wrong." Sighed Isshin, as he shook his head. "Rukia-chan LOVES strawberries. The chocolate-flavored one won't be fun for them."

Resisting the urge to throttle both his old man and the perverted businessman, Ichigo settled for giving them a glare that was so frosty, Toushiro – err, Hitsugaya TAICHO – would have approved of it. "How much perverted are you anyway to give your son condoms on a so-called 'date,' huh?"

Giving Ichigo his best 'Don't be stupid, you weren't born yesterday' look, Isshin patted him on the shoulder "Son, it is a fact of life, practice safe sex. When you're responsible enough that I don't need to remind you of it, we'll deal with the BDSM stuff."

Urahara chuckled gleefully as he took in Ichigo's floored and appalled expression. "Perhaps, there is a problem on the procedure, Kurosaki-kun. Do you need a crash course on contraceptives? If so, I think we can spare you five minutes –

"Finish that and I will snap your neck." Countered Ichigo, his face now redder that before. Honestly, if they needed to label this kind of color that had been on his face frquently, they should name it 'embarrassed strawberry.'

"Hold him still, Urahara-san." Isshin said. Quickly, the shop owner held Ichigo by the arms as Isshin tried to force the offending package in the pants' pocket to his flailing and floundering eldest child. "This is for your own good Ichigo, I don't want to ruin your or Rukia-chan's life. If you can't keep IT in, keep it IN this."

"You bastard!" Shouted Ichigo in earnest, beyond caring if his sisters would hear. This was self-preservation; there was no way he would even consider thinking about bringing a condom tonight. He had the inkling that if Rukia ever got a wind of this, he would NEVER need any form of contraceptive – EVER.

"Hold still –

"Really, Kurosaki-kun, don't be such a –

"Sorry I'm late." Rukia's voiced floated from the stairs.

Everyone turned to look at the newcomer.

For the first time, Isshin and Urahara were silent; Karin and Yuzu were surprised.

Ichigo was unable to speak, let alone breathe.

Shyly, Rukia slowly made her way down; careful of the three-inch high heels that she wore on her dainty feet. She wore a simple sapphire-blue dress made of a soft, and light material that Ichigo could not really identify. It had a form-fitting square neckline and a dark ribbon below the bosom that accentuated its empire style cut. From that point on, the narrow skirt flowed freely down to her mid-thigh. The dress was very flattering for Rukia's petite figure, showing off hints of curves that Ichigo never thought she had. Her hair was still done in the same way; expect that it look shinier and softer. Unlike most girls, Rukia was not that keen with using make-up, but she wore just the barest hint of a blush, eye shadow, and lip gloss that highlighted her features.

Suddenly, Ichigo felt someone nudging him. Barely sparing his father a glance, Ichigo walked up to meet Rukia at the bottom of the stairs. As she gave him a small smile, he shakily took a deep breath and immediately recognized the faint scent of jasmine. Obviously, Rukia used perfume as well. "Oi, mid-" he started, but as he heard simultaneous clearing of throats, he quickly covered the slip-up. "Er… Rukia, you… um… you look good."

"Thank you." She replied softly (Softly? Ichigo thought, there was no way Rukia would use a soft tone deliberately) while standing there as if waiting for something.

Realization dawned and Ichigo immediately held out his hand. "Um… Shall we?" As he held her small hand in his, Ichigo could not register the voices of his sisters who were complimenting Rukia on her dress and make-up. He was too busy reconciling the Rukia he was used to see to the Rukia that was in front of him at that moment.

Suddenly there were several flashes of light; both turned immediately to see Isshin snapping pictures greedily like paparazzi. "Smile, smile, smile!"

"What the hell are you doing?" Ichigo asked angrily, "Cut that out!"

Isshin sent his son look that was full of sorrow and anguish "Oh! But this is Rukia-chan's first date! This is an important moment that should be documented accordingly. What will she tell my future grandchildren about this evening anyway, that her first date was an inconsiderate barbarian who didn't let her have a picture as souvenir?"

"It's alright, Kurosaki-dono…" Rukia said haltingly, "I don't mind…"

"Oh but I insist that I take your picture, Rukia-chan!" Isshin said "And don't call me Kurosaki-dono, call me dad!"

"Um..how about uncle?" Bargained Rukia.

Isshin pretended to consider it "Alright then, call me uncle now, dad when you get home later!"

Rukia, Ichigo, and Karin sweatdropped.

"Ah, now smile Rukia-chan!" Isshin said as he continued to snap pictures of the couple.

"Oh Masaki!" He gushed afterwards, running over to his deceased wife's memorial poster, "Our son has now grown up splendidly! Of course he lacks my dashing good looks, but we all can't be built like models!" Isshin sobbed proudly as he rubbed his cheek against Masaki's smiling lips "He's going out on a date with our third daughter!"

Karin shook her head in disgust, "That just sounds SO wrong."

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Standing in line at the cinema, neither Ichigo nor Rukia were able to say anything and they instead looked elsewhere but at each other.

Ichigo had initially planned to tell Rukia that they ought to hang out at the local arcade, but he was unable to say anything as they stared at each other at home. In the end, it was Isshin who dictated the whole itinerary as the two were ushered to the waiting taxi. After issuing the driver the directions, he happily turned to Ichigo and ordered him to take Rukia to watch a romantic film with the explicit instructions of not going home before 11pm. "If you decide to be out later than that, be here by 3am, remember that you have school tomorrow!" He said suggestively, making the taxi driver look at them weirdly, as if he was expecting them to tear off each other's clothing at any moment.

As he handed Rukia a tub of popcorn (he of course carried the drinks), Ichigo spied some of the students in their class – who were also planning to watch the same movie – gaping at them. After sending a well-meaning glare that promised a painful, humiliating, and slow death, the group immediately ran towards the opposite direction. Ichigo knew that by tomorrow, neither he nor Rukia would be able to spend a moment of peace, as they would be the topic of the following school week's gossip.

Of course, that would also mean having to sit through Keigo's bemoaning of how Ichigo had the lucky of going out with Rukia; Chizuru's complaints on how unadventurous Rukia was and how boring the Kurosaki mindset is about same-sex relationships; and Mizuiro asking about the date and saying that older women were better dates (Ichigo will NEVER let it slip that Rukia is a HELL lot OLDER – can you say 150?).

Wordlessly, he led the female shinigami to their seats, taking care to give death glares to the many perverts who were eyeing his 'date' with obvious appreciation.

As the movie played on, Ichigo tried his best to stifle yawning at the all-too-boring film. For someone who enjoyed Shakespeare, the movie was not his idea of entertainment. The plot was too clichéd, the characters were too stereotypical, the actors were too hammy, the featured scenery were obviously manufactured, and the dialogue was simply ugly. Honestly, he thought, what do you expect from a movie that had such a cheesy title like 'You Are My First Love?'

"Why do you love me?" The female lead character said in a pitchy and nasal voice.

God, someone hand her lozenges and some vaporub.

"You're the only beautiful and pure thing in this cruel, evil world." The hammy lead character said, as his close-up treated viewers with an eyeful of the actor's flaring nostrils.

"Oh but Kentaro, we belong in different worlds. This love of ours, this is forbidden! If my brother finds out about us, he will kill us both!"

Ichigo shifted and tried to ease the pain building on his lower back. Quietly he slurped some soda after he grabbed some popcorn from Rukia. He glanced at his 'date' that was looking at the film with an unreadable expression on her face. To his surprise, she was holding on to the famed Kuchiki poise while being subjected to such a form of torture.

"I don't deserve you, or your love Kentaro. I've done many things that I can never be proud of!" The lead character, named Reiko said, turning away as she delicately wiped the tears that fell from her eyes. "You deserve someone better, a woman who is whole and who can bring the smiles back on your face…"

The lead actor, named Kentaro, a stereotypically good-looking guy tried to grab hold of the shoulders of the similarly stereotypically beautiful girl. "Don't say that! You're the one who brought back the smiles on my face; you're the one who made me live a happier and better life! You're the one who changed my world Reiko!"

"You will be killed if you attempt to get in their way!"

"Don't worry Reiko, I won't let them separate us." Kentaro vowed earnestly, gesturing unnecessarily. "If he takes you away, I WILL save you! No person nor force on earth can stop me from getting to you, I swear this one upon my own soul!"

Absolutely pathetic, Ichigo thought to himself. One man going against an entire gang of bloodthirsty thugs, was he crazy or suicidal?

"Kentaro, don't! I beg you, please forget me. I do not want anything happening to you. I cannot bear to get you involved!" Cried Reiko as tears fell down in complete synch from her eyes. "I made the mistake of falling in love with you; I involved you in this mess when I ran away. My brother will come after you and me! If anything happens to you, I could never ever forgive myself! Please, please just forget me. Forget that I ever existed!" The lead female character then turned as if to walk away.

Yeah right, sneered Ichigo, like the idiot Kentaro would listen. The moron was too blinded by love to listen to his rational side thinking. What kind of guy would go against a criminal syndicate just to take back a single woman? Kentaro was definitely a basket case.

On cue, the male lead character turned to grab the male lead character. "No matter what you say, I will make sure that I will take you away from them. If my life is in exchange for you to have a future that is peaceful and safe, I would gladly lay it down!"

The two characters just stood there while the rain fell down on them. Surprisingly, it seemed as if the rain was only falling on the two idiotic lovers. Ichigo could see that the surrounding trees and car were miraculously dry.

Beside him, Ichigo saw Rukia's shoulders shake. Suddenly, tears were streaming down her face as she sobbed with an almost hysterical manner.

Oh shit! Cursed Ichigo, the sappy movie got Rukia. Quickly, he tried to look for his handkerchief. Who knew that this all-too-professional shinigami could be moved by such a crappy movie? Finally being able to locate the needed piece of cloth, Ichigo hastily shoved it to her.

Wordlessly, Rukia took the offered hanky and dabbed it at the corners of her eyes before blowing on it delicately. After using it, she handed it back to Ichigo.

"The hell?" He muttered angrily. "Like I'd want something with your snot in it!"

Rukia gave Ichigo a glare that promised to make his life miserable. Suddenly, Ichigo had a nagging suspicion. "Are you REALLY crying?" He asked in a whisper.

The female shinigami gave him a thumbs-up sign.

Ichigo resisted the urge to bang his head against the chair in front of him.

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After the horrible movie, the two decided to continue to the Italian restaurant that Mizuiro recommended. His friend really must have connections, since the two were met by the headwaiter and were ushered to their seats as soon as they mentioned that they had reservations under his friend's name.

They started their meal with the special antipasto made especially by the chef. Quietly, Ichigo tried to focus his attention on enjoying the meal. It was a weekend, thus there were many people in the restaurant. As far as he could tell most of them were adults who had high-paying jobs. Naturally, many were curious about the high school couple that was on a date, considering that they looked so out of place. Fortunately, they were seated in a private alcove away from the prying eyes of the other customers. Ichigo busied himself for a while by looking at the décor and the food, while he occasionally looked at the couples dancing at the middle of the restaurant while the band played some romantic tunes.

The table they were given was small and very cozy that their knees were almost touching. There was no elaborate table centerpiece, expect for a single white, vanilla-scented candle in between them; it flickered softly and made shadows play across Rukia's face gently like a lover's caress. They were seated directly underneath an arch that was decorated with climbing vines and white roses. With each breath he took, Ichigo could smell the unmistakable scent of roses, vanilla, and the hint of jasmine that came from the girl seated across him.

"So…" he said, attempting to make small talk. They had been eating pasta (he ordered the Tagliatelle Al Pollo E Prosciutto, a pasta dish with white béchamel sauce, chicken cubes, and ham; Rukia decided to try the Spaghetti Vongole E Gamberetti, a concoction made popular with its red wine tomato sauce and béchamel topped with seafood) "Have you finished our science project? You know the diagram of…"

He trailed of uncomfortably as Rukia looked at him in disappointment.

Ichigo took a sip of his sparkling wine before he attempted again (well, HE was a minor, and Rukia looked like one too, so they were not given alcoholic beverages) "Er… There's a school trip next week…"

Now Rukia was looking at him with obvious annoyance before she finished her pasta, picking one of the clam's meat off their shell with her fork.

"Well… The movie was a complete bore, wasn't it?" He asked in a rush, only to be subjected with a cold glare from his date. He really had no idea what was wrong with Rukia, couldn't she see that he was trying to make an effort to talk to her, damn it? As she gave a barely audible sigh of suffering, Ichigo glanced nervously at the headwaiter. Fortunately, the man was quick on the uptake and their plates were taken with a speedy efficiency, to be replaced with a plate of Beef Shank Steak in Red Wine with Risotto for Ichigo and Baked Rosemarie Chicken with grilled vegetables for Rukia.

Suddenly, Rukia looked at him with realization dawning in her eyes (FINALLY, Ichigo thought) "I must have had too much expectations from you, I'm sorry if I did not know that you have no experience with these things, Ichigo."

"What?" He asked in disbelief. "Excuse me?"

Rukia shrugged, "I wish that you talked with your father about this things. It becomes obvious that you have no idea about dating, not one idea at all. Do not worry, I'm not really mad, since both of us are on the same boat." At the incredulous look in her date's face, Rukia continued on "Your father was very insightful and he seems to be very knowledgeable about this things. He said that he planned to tell you about everything, but I guess he didn't have enough time."

Half afraid to ask, Ichigo blurted out "What things?"

"Why the things that must be done and are expected to be done on dates, of course. First: A good date starts with watching a romantic film; which we already did." Rukia started, as she cut her chicken. "Second: A dinner at an Italian or French restaurant, which this is." She then looked at Ichigo "Third: Do NOT talk about school, work, the weather, or even entertainment and sports with your date. Talk about each other instead. If possible, compliment the girl repeatedly."

"Huh?" Ichigo was floored. His idiot father gave Rukia weird ideas.

"Yes, it does seem quite difficult to digest and remember. I had a hard time learning it. If your father hadn't been patient with me, well…"

Ichigo had no idea what it was that Rukia thought she learned, but if it was from Isshin, he'd better expect the unexpected.

"Fourth: Physical contact is imperative."

Ichigo had to thank his good reflexes that he was able to control himself from spewing out his drink all over the table. He looked at Rukia with a reddened face "Physical contact?"

His date gave him a long-suffering sigh. "You were supposed to take hold of my arm and escort me out of the taxi and into the cinema. You were also supposed to put your arms around my shoulders while we were watching the movie, and give comfort to me during the sad scenes where I had to cry."

No way, Ichigo thought in surprise, she had no idea what she was talking about. Grabbing hold of his knees to concentrate on the matter at hand, he shuddered to think what would have happened if it was either Keigo or Chizuru who were out with Rukia tonight. Giving himself a mental note to kick his father when they got home, he opened his mouth to lecture Rukia about thinking twice before listening to his stupid father when Rukia delivered the coup 'de grace.

"If you were a good date, you should have touched my knee over dinner as well."

Oh god, his father was such a pervert.

"Well Ichigo?" Rukia asked impatiently.

"Whuh?" he asked stupidly. What the hell did she expect him to say anyway? Ichigo wondered just what kind of education Rukia got from the Kuchiki tutors that made her this naive. She expected him, no scratch it, she was told that it was REQUIRED of him to GROPE her!

Why not? A voice inside his head said. She wanted to be touched anyway?

Yes, if – wait! He mentally cried; there was no way his thoughts were turning that way! That way was the point of no return, it was the highway to pervertville and once Ichigo got there he would be just as bad as his old man!

Suddenly, he was surprised to feel a hand grasp his. Barely suppressing a yelp, he realized that it was Rukia's. "Moron." She said dispassionately as she placed his hand on her knee at forced it to stay there.

"Rukia! What the hell!"

"Shut up and just do it!" She half-snarled. "Get it done and over it, I'm just following your father's orders!" Rukia gave him a death glare "You're utterly clueless, so don't you dare ruin this date for me or I WILL kill you."

Helplessly, Ichigo had no choice but to comply. With his free hand he grabbed his drink and took a big mouthful of his drink, to wet his suddenly dry lips.

Finally, when Ichigo was able to calm down and not jump up in nervousness (of course, his face was still very red), Rukia decided to speak. "This dating business in your time and age… this is very troublesome." She said thoughtfully "So much things to consider, so many things to do. If this happened in Soul Society, My brother's blood pressure would have gone through the roof."

Needless to say, if Byakuya knew about this date, Ichigo was sure that Zenbonsakura would be cutting him up into unnoticeable pieces.

Unconsciously, Ichigo's hand clutched Rukia's knee tightly, his fingers closing over her skin. Strangely enough, Rukia's skin was smooth and soft to the touch. He wondered if this was the case all the time or if it was just due to the lotion that Yuzu claimed to have bought for her.

Suddenly, he heard his date clear her throat. "I certainly hope that you are not enjoying this way too much."

"Like I would!" He retorted hotly.

"Just checking. So, when do we get dessert?"

There was a pause as Ichigo composed his thoughts. Then, "Have you tasted gelato yet?"

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After their dinner, the two decided to go out and take a walk. ("Signore," the headwaiter said, handing him a single stemmed white rose. "A white rose signifies purity and a likewise honorable intention. The signora would like this") at the park to kill the time until it was 11pm.

"Aren't you going to hold my hand?" Rukia demanded as they made their way across the street.

"As if." Ichigo sneered. "Why, you need help crossing the street?"

"You're my date, you have to be considerate." Rukia said tartly, "Besides, your father –

"Yeah, yeah, the physical intimacy schumuck." Ichigo said in irritation.

There was a small pause.

"ICHIGO."

At that tone, Ichigo hastily took hold of Rukia's hand in his. "What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas." He said, warning his date about the prudent merit of keeping her mouth shut. If anyone got wind of this stroll, there would be a field day.

"Are we in Vegas?"

He sighed. "Figure of speech Rukia, figure of speech."

The two walked on towards the park, passing by a convenience store.

"The gelato was nice." Rukia mumbled almost to herself. I wish we were able to get one more serving."

Looking far ahead, Ichigo said, "What flavor?"

"Eh? Strawberry, I guess." Rukia said as she shrugged.

"Stay here." Ichigo said suddenly as he stopped walking by the street lamp. He quickly dropped her hand.

Rukia gave him a puzzled glance. "Why so?"

"Just shut up and stay here." Ichigo told her as he walked into the convenience store. Grumbling about spoiled female shinigamis, he made his way into the frozen food section to look for any kind of ice cream available. He spotted a strawberry ice cream on a vanilla-flavored cone and he took one for Rukia, while he grabbed a chocolate-flavored one for himself.

Outside, Rukia stood still as she waited for Ichigo to arrive. On one hand, she was somewhat still reeling from the information she was drilled with by Isshin; on the other hand, she was wondering what she would do should a hollow arrive. She left her sappy soul candy dispenser at home, so she was virtually unable to get out of her gigai when she was needed to return to her soul form.

It was fortunate enough that she remembered Ichigo carrying his substitute shinigami license with him. So should the unexpected occur, she may still be able to do something.

"Hey, would you look at that." An appreciative voice called out from behind her. Quickly, Rukia turned around and came face to face with three tall and bulky men who had the most annoyingly perverted expression she had the unfortunate fate of ever meeting. The one at the center, who was obviously the leader was leering at Rukia and was almost salivating as he took his roving eye to her slim form. "What's a lovely little dove like you doing at a place like this alone?"

Rukia stood her ground as the three stepped even closer. She was a shinigami and a Kuchiki, she would never be intimidated by low-life thugs like them. "I am waiting for my date."

"Aw... She's just so cute boss." Thug # 2 said.

"Yeah, she just looks so adorable. It's a shame she's alone." Thug # 3 seconded.

The first thug smiled leeringly like a shark, as he stepped even closer and took hold of Rukia's arm. "Well, babe, why not go with me instead? I'm sure I can give you a better time."

"Thanks but no thanks." Came her straight reply. "But my date is just inside the store, he'll be out in a minute to keep me company."

The ugly thug held her arm tighter. "Maybe I wasn't clear baby. I meant you should go with me now."

Rukia turned to give the man her sternest glare. "I would appreciate it if you let go of my arm, before I resort to do something you might regret."

Unfazed, the man just sneered "Oh, and what may that be?"

Ah, thank goodness for these barbaric fashions, Rukia said in smug happiness, as she brought her heeled shoe to the man's foot. As he doubled over in pain, she took the opportunity to give him a well-placed punch on his nose.

"You dirty bitch!" The man cried out in outrage as he held his bleeding nose. His companions immediately stepped to close Rukia in. Both of his lackeys grabbed Rukia by the arms.

"Unhand me now!" Rukia ordered frostily in a manner that was eerily similar to Byakuya's frightening expression. Normally, she expected the men to comply and stutter uncomfortably just like Renji, but the three were too stupid to realize her threat.

The man grabbed hold of her chin. "Oh, and can you make me?"

"Let go." A voice said angrily from behind them.

The others looked back, and Rukia was able to see Ichigo standing there, radiating anger that was almost visible to the naked eye. He was holding a bag of ice cream while looking at the three menacingly. The sight was so unusual, Rukia almost laughed.

"And who might you be?" The leader asked as if Ichigo was an insignificant fly. "Find your own girl, this one's mine."

"Oh?" Now the look in Ichigo's face was downright scary. Despite his casually cool outfit he looked positively badass. "I'm throwing back those words at you. Let go of MY date and scram."

"Make me."

The grin on Ichigo's face was downright feral. "Oh, is that so… Well, since you ask so nicely… I guess I have to be polite and indulge you."

As he stepped closer, Rukia spoke. "Don't land them in the hospital, Ichigo."

"Aa."

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"Ichigo, its cold out here."

"Not my fault."

"Why you…" Rukia muttered angrily as they passed the stoplight. The night was surprisingly chilly and she found that goosebumps were starting to develop over her bare arms. She remembered asking Isshin to add a particularly stylish coat to their purchase, but she was assured that it wouldn't be needed. Belatedly, Rukia wondered if listening to Isshin was a bright move or a completely stupid one.

After leaving the three thugs lying on the cold pavement, the two continued on to the park. Fortunately, nothing happened to the ice cream, as Ichigo was able to beat the three to a pulp by throwing the bag to Rukia. The female shinigami wondered if the dress she wore was such a troublesome one to cause such a commotion.

Suddenly, as soon as she felt the chill, it was gone. A comfortable black jacket was placed haphazardly around her shoulders. Rukia looked up to see Ichigo looking at a certain lamppost as if it was the most fascinating thing he had ever seen in his life. With a secret smile, Rukia dug into the sleeves, burying herself further into the jacket's warmth. Since it belonged to the really tall orange-haired shinigami representative, the hem of the jacket fell down to her knees, giving protection to her bare legs.

"Hurry up." He said as he continued on to the park.

Rukia followed him, placing her hand in the pocket of Ichigo's jacket. Her fingers came across something and she pulled it out. It was a single stemmed white rose. "Ichigo?" She asked.

"Keep it." Came his terse reply. From the corner of his eye he saw Rukia stumble over a pebble. Without knowing it, his hand shot out to grab her arm by reflex in order to steady her.

Slowly, the two made their way to the swings. As they sat down, Ichigo took out the ice cream from the bag and handed it to her. In complete silence, they started to eat.

"I love ice cream." She said happily. "This is wonderful."

"Che. Like you weren't noisy enough that I wouldn't know."

Ignoring the teen for once, Rukia opened her ice cream cone and carefully ate hers.

Ichigo was supposed to ask her something, but he found himself looking at the girl who was eating the ice cream with visible relish. A pink tongue darted to capture the sweet treat. For the life of him, Ichigo had no idea why he was to taken with the whole thing; it was just Rukia eating ice cream, for god's sake. It was nothing worth being fascinated over!

Not knowing that the other was staring at her, Rukia then swirled her tongue around the ice cream slowly, as if savoring the flavor and committing it to her memory. "Hmm… yummy…"

His face beet-red, Ichigo immediately looked up at the sky for assistance to whichever deity was currently on duty to help him take hold of his teenage hormones and overactive imagination running wild. He then made a move to eat his ice cream, but found to his horror that he lost his appetite to eat when he could watch Rukia enjoy hers.

"Damn."

"Is there a problem?" Rukia asked, "Ichigo, you're not eating your ice cream."

He shrugged "I wanted another flavor."

"Why did you buy chocolate then?"

Ichigo glared at her "Mind your own ice cream…Oi, Rukia," he called out "Your ice cream's melting."

Rukia turned in time to see the ice cream melt and drip down to her hand. On instinct, she quickly gave her hand a few licks.

"Oh god…" Muttered Ichigo as he immediately turned the other way. Can he just spend a quiet evening in peace? With his face red, he dug into his pocket to check if he had an extra hanky or a spare tissue to give her when his hand brushed something. Ichigo immediately stiffened as he took a quick peek by bringing it out slightly. No shit! His old man was able to slip the offending package of condom in his pocket!

"Is there something bothering you? You're looking really uncomfortable, Ichigo."

Ichigo debated on what to say, when suddenly, Rukia's phone started ringing.

Quickly, Rukia dug into her small pocket to bring out her cell phone. "There's a hollow nearby; it seems very strong."

It was one of those days where Ichigo was glad to be interrupted by a hollow. He obviously needed the distraction. "Okay." He said, standing up.

"Wait." Rukia said. "Can I borrow your shinigami license badge?"

"Huh?"

Looking quite sheepish, Rukia looked away. "I couldn't bring the soul candy dispenser, since it couldn't fit in my pocket."

"Okay, I guess." He replied. "But we have to look for a secure place for my body and your gigai." Looking around, Ichigo was able to spot a tree. "There."

Both immediately went to a large tree that had lush and drooping branches. It was a perfect spot. Since it was shrouded by deep shadows, no one passing by would spot anything, let alone two bodies. The shinigami representative license was used, and Ichigo's soul form sprung out, followed by Rukia's. "Which way?"

"A hundred meters north."

The two immediately ran to the said direction, where they came face to face with a particularly large hollow. Unfortunately, Rukia pointed out that since the hollow had a visible face half-hidden underneath the mask, it was an Arrancar. Naturally, she told Ichigo to proceed with caution.

"Heh. Like that matters." Scoffed Ichigo as he unsheathed Zangetsu. "This is a piece of cake."

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Well, piece of cake was not a word to properly describe the fight that was going on. For starters, ichigo and Rukia were having quite a difficult time since the Arrancar, even if it was a very weak one, had the annoying ability of phasing out. Every time they tried to slash its head off, the creature became transparent that their zanpakutō went right through it.

"Damn this!" Cursed Ichigo "This low-level Arrancar is driving me nuts!"

Rukia tried to use Sode no Shirayuki's first dance, but the ugly Arracar was nimble enough to move away and phase out before Ichigo can cut him. "Watch it, Ichigo!" She ordered as she saw the Arracar attempt to decapitate her partner.

As Ichigo continued on, Rukia took the time to observe the Arrancar. It was indeed nimble and fast, as it was physically strong. Reiatsu-wise however, she could see that it was not very intimidating. It could perhaps be compared to D-Roy, the Arrancar she was able to defeat and purify before. However, unlike D-Roy, this Arrancar was very annoying because it had an ability that made it difficult to harm. But everything has a weak point, and it was up to Rukia to find it while Ichigo kept it busy.

Suddenly, there it was.

Rukia noticed that whenever Ichigo tried to attack, the Arrancar would phase itself. The first part of his body to do so was its right thigh. It was only a split second early from its other body parts, but nevertheless, it was still ahead, as if it was being protected.

Calling Ichigo's attention to it could prove disastrous to their only chance, so Rukia decided to keep it to herself. Quickly, she made her way into the middle of the fight. Trust me, Ichigo, she thought to herself over and over again.

As Ichigo parried and thrusted Zangetsu, Rukia made use of Shirayuki's first dance to attempt to block the Arrancar. As the said creature avoided the domain of her zanpakutō, it stepped sideways to avoid Ichigo who was in front of him. It was the chance Rukia was looking for as she immediately stepped to the opposite side of Shirayuki's circle, and she immediately went into the fray, piercing the alleged weak spot of their enemy. However, she failed to notice a fanged arm as it headed towards her in a mind-numbing speed.

"Rukia!" Ichigo shouted, causing her to look up to see the impending disaster.

In a blink, Ichigo flash-stepped and dragged Rukia away, causing the arm to graze his shoulders and spilling blood. Ichigo then pushed Rukia a good 10 meters away with just a flick of his wrist as he then continued to attack the Arrancar. It was a good thing that Rukia was right, because the Arrancar was unable to phase out again, making Ichigo's counter attack successful.

Just in time, King.

Shit, no! Ichigo thought in panic as he lost control of his body and fell down to the concrete.

As Ichigo landed clumsily, he was surprised to see himself at a place far from where he was. He first realized that he was alone and weaponless; Zangetsu was nowhere to be seen. Ichigo then looked around him. It was raining, and he was in…

The laughter of a young child interrupted Ichigo's thoughts. He turned around and saw his younger self, walking happily under an umbrella while holding on to his mother's hand.

His mother was alive.

No, this isn't real. He thought as he saw his young version run across in pursuit of a ghost he alone could see. He heard his mother call out his name in fear and urgency. Unable to move or do anything, Ichigo could only watch in horror as his mother dashed after him, knowing that it would be the last thing she could ever do.

Suddenly, barely giving him the time to scream a warning, Ichigo found himself in another familiar street. It was raining once again. Ichigo soon realized the place as he saw his other version lying face down on the wet pavement. Blood was flowing around freely, and the continuous drops of rain were slowly washing it.

It was the night that Rukia was taken to Soul Society. Ichigo then saw the gate to the spirit world, and Rukia was on her way to the other side.

Damn it, move! Ichigo cried out mentally, not knowing if it was for himself or for his other version who was lying on the ground, looking helplessly as Rukia stepped into the gates. "Rukia!" He called out, but once again, everything went blank.

To Ichigo's horror, the next thing he saw was something that continued to plague his nightmares. It was in the alley near Chad's home. It was of Grimmjaw and Rukia.

Rukia was trying to reprimand him and Pyon, when they felt the strong reiatsu of Grimmjaw. As the cocky Espada asked who was stronger, Ichigo relieved the horrifying time where Rukia once again saved him by drawing Grimmjaw's impatient ire to her.

"RUKIA!" Ichigo shouted once again as he saw Rukia stabbed across the stomach by the Espada.

"RUKIA!"

Too bad, King. His hollow snickered as everything went dark. Then, the nightmare began anew as Ichigo once again relieved over and over again the moments where he failed to save the people he cared about.

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"Ichigo!" Rukia cried as she headed off to where Ichigo stood. As soon as the Arrancar was defeated, Ichigo fell down into a heap, which pretty much scared the afterlife out of Rukia. Quickly, she turned the substitute shinigami over. "Ichigo." She called out, prodding him repeatedly on the chest. So far, Ichigo was still breathing. In fact he was okay, except for the scratch and his unconscious state.

Seeing as the injuries were not life threatening to bring him over to Inoue, Rukia instead lugged Ichigo over to his body and her gigai. Using her skills in Kidou, she decided to heal the superficial wound before the damn boy woke up and made a fuss.

Suddenly, Ichigo stirred,

"Ichigo." Rukia attempted to get him to wake up.

Hias hand shot out to grab hers and Ichigo pulled her down quickly towards him "Rukia." He murmured. "Rukia."

Confused as to why he was acting so weirdly, Rukia chose to grab his shoulders, to signify that she was there beside him. "Ichigo. Ichigo what happened?"

"Pathetic."

"What?" She asked indignantly. How dare this boy call her pathetic? He was the one who got hurt, not her.

The hands that held her suddenly became more crushing in their grip. "Pathetic; the king is SO pathetic, Rukia – Chan."

Stiffling a gasp, Rukia's head snapped up to see Ichigo's eyes turn into a different color. Instead of the warm amber color she expected, the pupils were now white and it had dark irises around it. "I..chigo?"

Realizing quickly that this thing in front of her was NOT Ichigo, Rukia made attempts to release herself from the hollow's grasp, but to no avail. Without releasing her arms, the hollow sat up. His face was looking at her with a maniacal glee that could definitely scare anyone with a faint heart. "Nice to finally see you face to face, eh Rukia-chan?"

"You!" She thundered. "What did you do to Ichigo!"

The hollow shrugged. "He's having fun somewhere."

Fun? Rukia was sure that this hollow's idea of fun would be the equivalent of mental torture for Ichigo. He must be in his mind somewhere. "Ichigo. Get out here, NOW!" She ordered, hoping that her angry tone would disguise the feeling of fear that was swamping her senses.

"Trying to be brave, eh Rukia-chan?" the hollow asked mockingly. "Unfortunately, the king is out as of the moment."

"Ichigo." Rukia gritted out, refusing to acknowledge the hollow. Her business was with Ichigo. "Ichigo, if you don't get out now –

"Oi. You noisy woman, didn't I tell you that Ichigo is occupied?" The hollow hissed angrily, painfully grasping Rukia's arms, making her gasp in pain. "Talk to me and address me, you bitch."

Rukia did not give him that satisfaction. Instead she just glared at him haughtily, as if he was an insignificant fly that flew past a Kuchiki noble.

"Ichigo's coming back, but he will either be sane or a raving lunatic if you don't talk to me bitch." The hollow threatened.

Finally, that got to Rukia. "What. Did. You. Do. To. Him?" She ground out grudgingly.

The hollow gave her a sadistic smile. "He's with his mother. Oh, I wish you can see it."

"His mother is dead."

"I know. That's the beauty of it, Rukia-chan."

Light dawned in Rukia's mind as she gasped in horror. "You're making him relive his mother's death!"

The hollow smiled. "Your capture by your brother as well as your skewering by Grimmjaw too. I don't think King is keen on seeing that espada treat you like barbeque."

"You bastard!" Rukia spat out, this time attempting to wrench out her arms in earnest. She didn't care if she would tear off her limbs from their sockets; she just needed to get away from this vile creature that was assaulting her senses with its evil intents. As the hollow only held her more tightly, Rukia used her legs to kick him and flail about. "Let him go!" She shouted "LET HIM GO!"

Suddenly, the hollow flash-stepped and Rukia found her back hitting the trunk of the tree painfully. She gritted her teeth as she saw stars from the jarring impact.

"Listen here, Rukia-chan." The hollow said in a sickeningly mocking voice. "King doesn't get out until I say so, you understand?"

Rukia was unable to reply as she felt difficulty in breathing. Her constricted throat was not helping at all. Damn it!

The hollow snickered. "I wish you could hear him screaming like hell, Rukia-chan. It's such a soothing sound. He was especially weak today you know, all of these conflicting thoughts making him lose control little by little." He peered at Rukia's eyes. "Do you want to save him, Rukia-chan? Do you want to save King from madness?"

Rukia glared at him for all that she was worth. "What… do… you… want?" She choked out.

"15 minutes, Rukia-chan. 15 minutes worth of hot and heavy making-out session with you."

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A/N: Okay… so this is the 5th chapter.

Thanks to those guys who reviewed and made great suggestions, they were much appreciated. I'm sorry if some of you don't find this chapter that funny, I'm still reeling from chapter 4. Of course, I'm sure that there are funny parts here, and they're quite plenty – despite not in a sidesplitting manner like in the previous chapter.

I hope that you folks got hungry after reading this chapter. I went to this really unobtrusive but popular Italian restaurant near work and I loved their food that I decided to cite Italian dishes. For the Italians, you have my most envious respects for being able to eat such meals frequently. It's hard to purchase the needed ingredients at our local supermarket, plus they don't come in cheap.

Yeah, I've heard of one reader who nearly choked on something while reading the Bachelorette Rukia chapter. Gosh, that kinda scared me… hopefully, no one got hurt while reading it. You guys wouldn't sic lawyers on me, won't you? Hehe.

As for this chapter, I tried to make it a bit naughty, but I'm not sure if it was a successful attempt. I hope you guys like this and I hope you can get whatever it is that I'm trying to send when you read the part at the movie house. I so loved writing that part, since I was able to unabashedly use cliché plots and cheesy dialogues without fearing the wrath of my muse. Besides, remove the cheesy dialogue and the whole thing would have been VERY Ichi-Ruki, ne? The whole going against a whole society to save a girl, isn't that familiar? Yeah, I confess, I'm one of those people who watch just to find something to complain about; told ya I was nutters. If anyone found this chapter too cliché or cheesy as well, let me defend myself: I did not watch an overload of teenybopper romance flicks that it affected my writing. This is because the whole flow of the date was dictated by Isshin to Rukia, so the whole date was like a drawn-out rerun of a soap opera. Hope you guys understand. I'm experimenting on my style, just so I don't become too predictable. If this one was unsatisfactory, drop me a line, and I'll chalk it up to experience.

Sheesh, procrastinate much?

Anyway, watch out for the next chapter, as it will pick up IMMEDIATELY from the last sentence that was uttered by Hollow Ichigo. This means… dun-dun-dun-dun… something that will make my fic rating go to M (or so I hope).

Well then, see yah in a week or so – I'm starting on the next chapter!


	6. Duration and Restraint

Chapter 6 – Duration and Restraint

Summary: "Remember Rukia-chan, if you can't keep it short, be in control."

Fiction Rating: T+ for violence, potty mouth, and other 'stuff.' Nothing too explicit or graphic, its still quite far for me to contemplate on being an adult-porn writer (why, is there such a thing as porn for teens?).

Characters: Isshin, Urahara, IchigoXRukia, and Hollow IchigoXRukia

Disclaimer: I'm working on a long-range hypnotic technique so I can finally own Bleach (insert insane/anime villain laughter).

SPOILERS: Watch the anime? Well, spoilers are up to the Arrancar arc.

WARNING: Fluff-berg, up ahead!

Many of the parts are Rukia-centric, I think the girl deserves it, as Ichigo had most of the spotlight on him before. This slow-paced chapter is an ATTEMPT to write something new, something exciting, stimulating, sexy-as-hell… OMG! Isshin's perversions are slowly getting to me! (Clears throat) I just wanted to try my hand at this. If it's not to your liking, well sorry. Who knows, I may try writing a lemon next time.

No MOM, I'm reading something about Barney here!

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"Listen here, Rukia-chan." The hollow said in a sickeningly mocking voice. "King doesn't get out until I say so, you understand?"

Rukia was unable to reply as she felt difficulty in breathing. Her constricted throat was not helping at all. Damn it!

The hollow snickered. "I wish you could hear him screaming like hell, Rukia-chan. It's such a soothing sound. He was especially weak today you know, all of these conflicting thoughts making him lose control little by little." He peered at Rukia's eyes. "Do you want to save him, Rukia-chan? Do you want to save King from madness?"

Rukia glared at him for all that she was worth. "What… do… you… want?" She choked out.

"15 minutes, Rukia-chan. 15 minutes worth of hot and heavy making-out session with you."

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(flashback)

"Rukia-chan" Isshin said quietly and seriously as Yuzu and Karin dragged Ichigo's body onto the sofa. "There is something important that you have to know."

"Hey, pops, I'm going out to play soccer, okay?" Karin interrupted. Seeing the look in her father's eyes, she took a double take. "What are you going to tell Rukia-san anyway?" She asked suspiciously.

Isshin laughed nervously, "Nothing much, just the most embarrassing things that happened to Ichigo when he was younger, that's all."

Karin looked at their father seriously for a while with narrowed eyes before she nodded. "Well then, I'm outta here."

"Be back by two hours, we still need to take Rukia-chan out shopping." Isshin reminded his child.

As soon as both daughters were out of sight (Yuzu headed to the kitchen to cook lunch), Isshin glanced at Rukia. "Meet me at the clinic, Rukia-chan. The lesson, the most important one of all is yet to be tackled."

Deciding to indulge the older man, Rukia went to the clinic. As she waited for Isshin to return, she took the free time to look at the magazines, looking for any merchandise that was chappy themed.

"Ahem." Isshin cleared his throat to announce his arrival. Rukia looked up to see the head of the household carry a large whiteboard of sorts. He propped it against the door with a grunt. From his pockets, he took out a marker and wrote the words: Duration and Restraint.

"Duration and Restraint?" Rukia read in confusion. "What is that about, Kurosaki-dono?"

Isshin looked somberly at Rukia. "These my dear Rukia-chan are the two most important things you have to know about making out."

Vaguely, Rukia tried to remember something about making-out in the manga she read before. She once heard guys talk about it in low whispers as she once passed by an empty classroom. Naturally curious, she asked Ichigo for an explanation and his opinion on the matter during lunch.

Ichigo was very poised about the matter; he choked on his onigiri for a while, before he eloquently told her to "Shut the hell up."

Beside him, Keigo enthusiastically offered to teach her how to make-out, but before she could even reply, Ichigo immediately gave him a quick and light punch to the head.

Actually, it was an understatement, as Keigo sailed over them, hitting the wall with a dull thud before he slithered to the floor unconscious.

Then Ichigo turned to her and say. "If someone mentions that to you, sock him. He's a pervert." Then he continued eating as if nothing happened.

"Is that a perverted thing?" Rukia asked. "If so, I already know self-defense."

"Who told you it was a perverted thing?" Came the disbelieving look on Isshin's face.

"Ichigo."

Isshin shook his head. "Figures." He turned to Rukia and said "Rukia-chan, making out is a very WONDERFUL experience that transpires on a successful date!"

"Successful date?" She echoed, confused. Why would Ichigo call it perverted if his father thought that it wasn't?

"A VERY successful date." Isshin waggled his eyebrows suggestively. "You see, Rukia-chan, should a date be very satisfactory between the two parties, making out is naturally the next agenda!"

"Oh, is that so…"

"Making-out entails a lot of stuff, Rukia-chan. As young adults, I'm sure that you and your date can do this in a very mature way." He gave Rukia a thumbs-up sign before he continued. "Kissing and petting are required during this make-out sessions."

Okay, so she knew about those two. Rukia's face turned quite red as she recalled the manga she read. Ichigo actually had a fit when he saw the said manga, as it was VERY explicit.

"Naturally," continued Isshin, "as you are going on a date, I have to give you wise advise when making-out."

Oh god, if her brother finds out about this, she was hollow-bait.

"Duration and Restraint means that you must make sure to keep the make-out session short enough or at least remain level-headed to ensure that both of you don't enjoy it too much that it will cause certain snags."

"Snags?" Rukia asked, genuinely wondering why she was subjected to such torture.

"Complications." Explained Isshin patiently. "They're very dire, considering you're under my care and guidance now. I mean children, Rukia-chan; you can get pregnant."

Rukia whimpered in her seat as embarrassment made her face red. Suddenly, she felt a kinship with Ichigo as she realized just how bad a deal he got by having Isshin as his father.

"But its not like I don't want grandkids, Rukia-chan; but maybe you can wait until you're in college first before getting pregnant - "

Somebody kill her now.

"Remember Rukia-chan, if you can't keep it short, be in control."

(End flashback)

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"Well, Rukia-chan, what do you say?" Ichigo's hollow asked her coyly. "15 minutes, and you get Ichigo back."

Should she? Could she trust the hollow to not make it go further than 15 minutes? Could she trust the hollow not to go beyond what making-out was supposed to be?

Think Kuchiki, she thought frantically. The more she kept Ichigo in that nightmare, the greater the chances he would break. True, she had to acknowledge that he was strong, even stronger than her; but Ichigo was not trained for psychological warfare like normal shinigamis. Eventually, he would break, and he would do so completely unless she did something. He needed her help.

Duration and Restraint.

Ichigo.

Duration!

"Three minutes." She said, or rather hissed. It was really hard to talk when someone was attempting to choke you. Keep the contact to the minimum, to make sure that she and Ichigo would survive this.

"Bargaining, eh?" The hollow said, impressed at her boldness. "12 minutes."

"Five." Rukia gritted out, she was not a Kuchiki for nothing.

Ichigo's hollow laughed, a gleeful, maniacal laugh. "I'm saddened you wish to shorten my fun with you, Rukia-chan." He leered at her, "I've been watching you for a long time, and this is all you offer? Ten minutes, that's all."

Duration… Ichigo… Must do something… Anything…

"Seven and no more!"

"Done."

Just as fast as he knocked her against the tree, Ichigo's hollow released its death grip on her neck. Without meaning to, Rukia leaned heavily against the trunk, trying her hardest to breathe properly again. Her eyes were watering and she felt like coughing for a long time. Probably, her voice would remain hoarse as well.

Suddenly, Rukia was grabbed by the front of her shinigami robes and was dragged down to the earth. "What the –

"What, you expect me doing this standing up?" Ichigo's hollow drawled as he placed her underneath him, trapping her wrists over his head with just one hand and nudging her thighs apart with his knee before settling himself comfortably between her legs.

Not wanting to see Ichigo's face twisted with malice, Rukia shut her eyes tightly and waited for her assailant to kiss her.

The next move surprised her. Instead of kissing her lips, Ichigo's hollow bent to kiss the side of her neck instead. He laughed faintly as he slowly dragged his lips and tongue across her exposed skin.

Rukia winced as unfamiliar sensations swamped her senses. It was as if time was being distorted, she couldn't think, couldn't bring herself to move; as if she was paralyzed with something she had no awareness of.

Her neck was then bitten with uncharacteristic gentleness. Rukia wondered at the restraint. After that, she once again felt the Ichigo's tongue lap at the bitten skin, soothing the sting.

No. Not Ichigo, his hollow.

"We are one and the same, Rukia-chan." The hollow murmured against her neck, as if aware of her thoughts. The hot air made her already heated skin tingle more. Rukia choked back a sound; whether it was a sigh, a cry, or a moan, she had no idea. All she could think about now was the feel and texture of the hollow's lips and tongue.

The hollow laughed. He seemed to notice her discomfort.

No. Not him; IT. Hollows are not to be considered as human. Rukia vaguely remembered a lesson during her days at the Shinigami Institute. However, shinigami training never specified something about this. She was not prepared for something remotely like this, and the feeling of inadequacy intensified.

The kiss went on, but this time it was on her left ear. Ichigo's hollow lazily snaked his tongue outside the corners of her ear, tugging at it teasingly with his teeth. This time, she shivered as his tongue traced it. "Rukia-chan." He – no, IT – murmured appreciatively "I love your scent."

Suddenly, the hollow stopped. Rukia took many shallow breaths to calm down. There was no movement, nothing at all. Half-hoping that everything was over and that Ichigo was back to normal, she quickly opened her eyes to take a peek.

The hollow leered at her as he smiled. "Six minutes more to go, Rukia-chan."

Six? Here she was thinking that he went past the time limit, and he said six?

She opened her mouth to say that she demanded proof that everything happened in just under a minute, when Ichigo's hollow quickly swooped down to claim her lips.

And there it was.

The hollow took his sweet time; he nibbled on her lower lip instead, tugging it at the corners as his thumb drew circles on her wrist and his free hand clutched at her waist.

He kissed her slowly, teasingly, agonizing her by the pace he stubbornly set. His tongue then traced her lips, running it across her teeth with a single-minded dedication that coaxed her into allowing him access. Never the one to back down or hesitate from something as surprising as this development, Ichigo's hollow took the opportunity and dipped his tongue in.

If she felt swamped with sensations before, Rukia was positive that she was already drowning. As her mouth was explored, there was no place that wasn't touched. It was as if the hollow wanted to claim ownership of a place that no one had ever gained access to for himself alone.

"Rukia-chan…" He murmured softly as hand caressed her side through her shinigami robes.

His other hand suddenly released hers as it cupped her cheek and tilted her chin upwards to meet him, so that he could still go further into her mouth.

Rukia was unaware of what was happening; one moment she was restrained, the next, her hands were grasping Ichigo's broad shoulders, holding on to them as if they were her lifelines, her anchors against the maelstrom of sensations that were assaulting her.

"Told you. You'd like it." Came the smug voice of the hollow, pleased to have her trembling under him. Leaving the warmth of her lips (Rukia finally sighed, missing the contact), Ichigo's hollow returned to kissing her neck, going south slowly until he reached her collarbone. He then proceeded to give it the same treatment, kissing and nipping it, occasionally running his tongue against the skin that Rukia shivered. "Do you like this, Rukia-chan?" He demanded softly. Continuing giving it small bites while she shook like a leaf trapped outside on a windy day.

As she gripped him closer, he laughed. "Five more minutes, Rukia-chan. We still have a long way to go."

Vaguely, Rukia was thinking that she should hate this thing. This make-out thing that was transpiring between her and Ichigo's hollow because it was wrong. She was supposed to hate it, not enjoy it. What the hell would Ichigo think of her after this?

"Frustrated."

It was only when the hollow responded that Rukia became aware that she spoke out loud.

"Ichigo would be SO frustrated, Rukia-chan."

"Why so?" She gasped out as Ichigo's hollow brought his hands up to cup her breasts.

"The bloody fool's a coward to take the initiative." Came the terse response as he kissed further down her chest, parting her shinigami robes with his teeth.

Rukia pondered on what the hollow said. Did Ichigo want something like this? Belatedly, she realized that he was heading further down to where he should not be while he was slowly discarding her clothing. Is this what Kurosaki Isshin warned him about? Rukia came to the conclusion that this is not and should not be part of their deal. She then realized that if she didn't stop him…

She just might not be able to.

What was the word that Ichigo's father told her to remember?

Restraint. Restraint. If you can't keep it short, be in control.

Quickly, she grabbed a fistful of the hair of the hollow and pulled him back up.

"My, my, Rukia-chan; I didn't know that you had it in you to be aggressive." He chuckled, as Rukia pulled him down to meet her lips. Not one to disappoint, Ichigo's hollow gave her a searing kiss that was nothing like the previous one. It was like he was exercising perfect control all the while, waiting for this exact moment where she was her weakest. To Rukia's horror, she realized that she had been played to do this move, and she was trapped in her own game.

"This is where the fun begins, Rukia-chan." The hollow said heatedly as he kissed her earnestly. This one was all fire and heat, nothing of the teasing and the mocking of before. This time the hollow was dead serious about everything.

Unfortunately, Rukia was too wrapped up in the new, foreign feelings that she failed to realize the true intent of the hollow. If she only knew about, she would have screamed bloody murder or something like that.

She was not aware that her robes were now open, the sleeves wrenched out of her arms. She was not aware of the fact that the hollow was braced on his left forearm above her, while hiss other hand – which was currently tracing patterns on her thigh – was in reality spreading her legs further apart. His body was in setting itself between her legs with more familiarity and single-minded determination, looking for the ideal position that serves a perverse purpose.

His intent was blatantly obvious, but Rukia was unable to figure it out for herself.

Until she felt the undeniable evidence that was now pressed solidly against the juncture of her thighs.

"NO!" She cried out, tearing her lips from his. "Seven minutes!" She reminded him.

He gave her a terrifying smile. "I only need three minutes for this, Rukia, chan."

Rukia's heart lurched as she realized her state of undress. Her robes were now parted fully and they rested behind her waist uncomfortably, bunched up and all. As for her bindings, they were undone as well. Hiding nothing to the eyes of the monster in front of her.

"This was not part of the deal!" She grated out as she tried to stop him from completely removing her remaining clothing.

"I agreed to seven minutes, didn't I? We never discussed anything else." The hollow said, placing a leg over one of hers to keep her still.

"You proposed to MAKE-OUT. This is definitely not it!" Rukia insisted, her voice slowly gaining a hysterical edge to it.

"I guess I wanted more."

"You bastard!" She cried, thrashing about. Unfortunately, he held her wrists back above her head, securing it with one hand as he continued to pull down her robes.

"Shut it, Rukia-chan; you'll only hurt yourself, and frankly I don't care shit about that."

Rukia, in anger, decided to give the hollow a headbutt and she tried to knee him as well. "Ichigo! She shouted desperately, "Ichigo!"

The hollow suddenly held her in a choking neck hold. "Didn't I just say that the King is out?" He said in irritation as he pressed his hand on Rukia's neck, making her vision swim out of focus.

Ichigo…

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"Enough!" Ichigo was shouting. He was already reliving her mother's death for 20 times now; Rukia being taken away to soul society 19 times; Grimmjaw hurting her for 18 times; and seeing Tatsuki, Chad, and Inoue beaten by the Arrancar, Yammy many times as well.

His hollow really was a sick bastard.

Somewhere in his mind, Ichigo could hear a voice shouting. He was afraid that it might be his mother, Rukia, or anyone else. "Stop it." He hissed. "Stop it!"

"Ichigo!" The voice cried out.

It was Rukia.

"I'm sorry," he muttered to himself as he desperately tried to find Zangetsu amidst the rain-splattered pavement, "I'm really sorry."

"Ichigo!"

God, he cried in his head, why was Rukia sounding so desperate for his help. That never happened before. Rukia would never –

"Ichigo!" There it was again. Something was wrong. But he was in his hollow's world, how sure could he be that something was wrong outside. For all he knew, he might be lying down there, twitching or something.

Wait. Ichigo thought, blocking the voices aside from the one that was different. This was his hollow's world, despite hearing maniacal laughter, Ichigo was not sure if the bastard was really here. He had been caught up in the illusion that he forgot to find the hollow and kick his ass.

If he was here, the hollow was…

Rukia!

The hollow was with Rukia right now!

Staggering, Ichigo stood up. Oi, if that bastard hollow thought that he can get away by pulling that trick, he was wrong; Terribly wrong. He strove for concentration as he blocked out the voices. Focus Ichigo, focus on getting out of here, on getting to Rukia.

Ichigo held out his hand to the side. Reiatsu flared from his entire body, engulfing him in a white light. The hollow would pay for bringing him here. "Zangetsu!" He called out. The sword slowly materialized, as the bindings whipped all around him.

"Bankai!"

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You just ruined my fun, King. The hollow said angrily.

Yeah? Well you're lucky I didn't kill you, bastard. He replied hotly.

His hollow laughed. Aww, King… like you can? You're so pathetic that I got you trapped in my world! And it was just SO easy! Maybe you won't get so lucky next time.

Fuck you, and get lost! Ichigo shouted at the hollow.

There was a resounding echo of laughter. King, I would have, but you just interrupted me.

What?

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Ichigo felt Rukia trembling as he gained consciousness. He found himself, to his surprise on top of her, with his face buried against her neck. Slowly, he became aware of his surroundings. They were lying down on the ground and the wind was cold against his skin. Strangely though, he felt warm – heated even. On reflex, he clenched his hand on whatever it was that he was holding on to. He felt the earth and grass on his right, and on his left…

Oh shit. It was bare skin, something that Ichigo knew belatedly that he was not supposed to be holding on to like this. Quickly, his head reared up. He was really planning on removing his offending hand and jump off Rukia, but as his eyes instinctively followed his hand, he found himself unable to move at all.

Oh god. Rukia was almost naked and he was latched on to her breast. Just what the hell did the hollow do this time? What did he do to her?

Ichigo felt a myriad of emotions wash over him. Guilt. Shame. Remorse. Fear. Pain. Rage. Helplessness… and even the feeling of need and want.

Rukia just stared at Ichigo. It seemed that he gained control of himself at the nick of time. Oh god, he was all right, nothing happened to him. For a second, she thought that Ichigo had been defeated; she felt guilty of not trusting him, of not believing in his strength.

Right now, he looked worse for wear.

"Ichigo." She finally said. The young man snapped out of his trance and looked at her guilty. He was obviously embarrassed. Sensing that he would leave, she immediately took hold of his arms. She had to do something or Ichigo would be beside himself, blaming not his hollow but his weakness for this incident. "Ichigo, you idiot." She said softly. "You had me worried for a second. Tomorrow you start a new training regimen, you hear?"

"Rukia." He was able to say as he hastily removed his hand from her breast. He made a move to stand, but she was holding on to him tightly. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be. You came back."

Ichigo looked troubled for a while, but he soon was scowling "I'm going to tear him limb to limb!" He looked at her worriedly. "Rukia… did he… did he hurt you or anything?"

"I'm fine."

Was it just her imagination but did Ichigo actually gave her that appreciative glance that his hollow gave her? His red face was answer enough. The hollow said that he wanted to those things, those things that transpired earlier and that he was just too much of a coward to do so. Rukia wanted to see if it was true, but if it could destroy the camaraderie that they have…

Screw the camaraderie; she just saw a flash of desire come up in his eyes.

Quickly, Rukia grabbed him by his nape and pulled him down so her lips could meet his. She felt Ichigo tense, but since he didn't pull away, Rukia didn't stop either.

Do you want this, Ichigo? She asked him without question, as she pressed small kisses on his lips. Hesitantly, she attempted to do what the hollow did earlier; she tugged at his lower lip gently with her teeth.

Do you want me, Ichigo? She asked again as she parted her lips and slowly ran her tongue against his teeth.

Exhaling loudly, Ichigo finally responded. He returned her kisses and he followed her lead briefly, before taking over. As he softly made his tongue meet with hers, he ran his hand through her tresses, reveling in the soft strands that were Rukia's hair.

Pulling his lips away for a moment, Ichigo took a deep breath, taking in the scent of the earth, of Rukia and her maddening jasmine perfume that mingled with her own body's scent. Then he dipped his lips again to meet her waiting ones.

Ichigo gave in to what he had been dying to do. He carefully held Rukia's left breast, massaging it gently. It was a perfect fit, he mused, punch-drunk with the feeling of euphoria that was running across his veins.

Rukia gasped against his mouth; before she sighed as she felt and enjoyed the ministrations that ichigo was giving her. Unable to stand remaining passive for long, she wound up her hands to run them through Ichigo's orange hair. Making small tugging motions that told Ichigo to continue.

Ichigo decided that no matter how much he liked kissing Rukia's lips, he definitely wanted to try something else. Slowly, he placed small kisses at her cheeks, her nose, her forehead, and temple, as if memorizing the contours and plains of her face with his lips. He stole a look at the woman in his arms and was pleased to find her eyes closed and her face flushed with pleasure at their making-out. Ichigo kissed her closed eyes as well, feeling the long lashes tease his lips as her eyes fluttered yet remained still. As Ichigo looked on, his eyes narrowed as he saw the reddened marks that his hollow left on the skin of Rukia's neck.

"What's wrong?" She asked him, opening her eyes to see the fierce look in Ichigo's face.

"He dare do this to you?" He asked in a hiss. "I will really kill him." Suddenly, his gaze went back on her gently smiling face. "Sorry." Ichigo said sheepishly. Suddenly, his eyes flashed with mischief as an idea came across his thoughts.

"Mind sharing the joke?"

"Don't mind me." He assured her, bending down to her neck. "I'm going to make sure you remember something else when you see these hickeys tomorrow."

Rukia bit back a moan as Ichigo slowly kissed the marks on her neck. He was gentle as he bit on it and soothed it with his own tongue. "Ichigo," she whispered in a breathy and heavy voice as if she was in a dream.

Suddenly, Ichigo stopped. "Time to go home." He said quietly, as he quickly adjusted her clothing. Helping her sit, Ichigo pulled the sleeves back up to cover her shoulders.

"Ichigo?" Rukia asked, confused. It was all going well, wasn't it? He stopped for no apparent reason at all. Or was there any? For a second, she wondered if Ichigo regretted it, and he was feeling guilty or something. Dejectedly, she looked down to concentrate on fixing her clothing, trying to hide the disappointment that was building.

Ichigo ruffled her hair affectionately. "Rukia." He said somberly. "Look at me, please."

Rukia continued to put up a valiant fight with her clothing; the obi was just too much to handle right now. "Don't worry, I'm fine."

"Rukia, please look at me."

Warily, Rukia lifted her head to face him.

Ichigo brushed his thumb against her lower lip as he looked at her with an unreadable expression on his face. "Would you believe if I said that I want this?" He looked at her as Rukia fell silent, assessing his words. "I do, I really do. But this is not the right time. Trust me on this, please."

Ichigo looked carefully at her. "I have to make sure that I can fully suppress the hollow in me. I don't want him being near you – ever."

"Ichigo." Rukia wanted to say that she understood and that she was confident in him, but Ichigo continued on.

"I enjoy being with you, a whole lot and I want this thing a great deal, don't get me wrong. But the timing is way off. I want more from this; something more meaningful and remarkable." He then took hold of Rukia's cheek and looked into her eyes. "I also want a REAL date, with a romantic dinner, music, soft lights, dancing – the works. I want a date that has flirting and a whole lot of groping in between. I want these make-out sessions to continue uninterrupted. The first time between us must be special, and I want it in a room, on a bed, where we don't run the risk of getting seen by people – most especially by my father, damn it!"

At the petulant and almost whiny tone, Rukia was tempted to laugh. However, she bore with it and settled for a smile instead.

"I want you to be as sure as I am." Ichigo said seriously. "I want you to think about it on your own. I'm willing to wait for you as long as you want Rukia, even if it takes this lifetime. Because when you give me your answer and its what I'm hoping for, you won't get a second chance to back out on me – ever."

Rukia's breath hitched at the possessive tone that Ichigo used. "I won't allow anyone, and I mean anyone to take you from me. Not Soul Society, not your brother, not Renji; no one. That's why you better think twice to make sure. Because when I say that I want you, I'm not putting an expiry date on it"

Suddenly, Rukia felt as if her heart was two sizes bigger for her body. She felt weightless, as if the wind can pick her and carry her anywhere. Despite his obvious regard for his badass image, Ichigo can actually be surprisingly romantic. She mused on the fact that she didn't even hear him give her a mushy declaration of love and undying devotion. Yet somehow, his style of declaration was more heartfelt, more believable than any sappy romance show, because it was undoubtedly Ichigo in its simplicity.

It was the most poignant thing she had ever heard.

There were so many things she wanted to say, but Rukia realized that there was a place for that. "Let's go home." She said instead.

This time, Ichigo held her hand.

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It was almost midnight when Ichigo and Rukia found themselves nearing the Kurosaki household. "Your father mentioned something about a kiss should the date go well."

Ichigo gave her an incredulous look. What was she talking about? They had been making out for quite a while and she was wondering about a good night kiss?

"Your father specifically said that it should be done outside the door too."

Ah, so that was it. Really, his old man was such a predictable pervert. More likely, Isshin was trying to get pictures of them kissing than anything else. "C'mere." He said as he pulled Rukia's arm so she was pressed against him. "My old man really wasn't helpful. He failed to mention that the 'kiss for a satisfactory date' can be done just about anywhere, you know."

"Really?" She asked in surprise. "I didn't know that."

Ichigo grinned. "Next time you want to know, tell me. I'm more honest and less perverted than my old man."

"Oh I don't know." Rukia said, contemplating his words. "I like that perverted side of you – provided it's just for me, of course."

"You got that one right, Rukia."

Smiling, Rukia grabbed the front of his shirt as he leaned towards her. "Now?"

"Yeah." He said as he melded his lips with her again. He slowly walked until Rukia was against the wall that hid them with a large shadow from the eyes of anyone who may pass by.

It took a while before they parted. Rukia face was red and she was panting from the effort they exerted. Ichigo on the other hand was similarly flushed, yet he had a smug look on his face.

"See. One kiss for a satisfactory date."

Rukia nodded. Oh yes, it was absolutely better if Ichigo was the one who taught her about these things. He gave such great examples that made the lesson more interesting. Suddenly –

"Ichigo. Your father mentioned something about French Kissing."

"Um… THAT'S just what happened."

"What about Fellatio? Your dad said –

Oh god, his father was such a PERVERT!

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"My, my, Kurosaki-kun moves REALLY fast, doesn't he?" Urahara said as he studiously fanned himself. "Surprisingly, they arrived later that 11pm too."

"Meh." Complained Isshin as they looked at the young couple that were headed upstairs. "Oi, Ichigo, separate rooms, you hear? Separate rooms!"

Ichigo spun around to face his father angrily "Why you, pervert!"

Isshin did not miss the fact that his son denied any untoward intent.

"No creeping in your sisters' room too."

"Shut up!"

Isshin now had a mad grin as he saw Ichigo's face flame in embarrassment. "I hope you kept IT in your pants; eh, son?"

"I'm going ahead to retire now, Kurosaki-dono… er… UNCLE." Rukia said, bowing respectfully. "A pleasant evening, Urahara-san; thank you for a nice evening, Kurosaki-kun."

As she stood up, her eyes met Ichigo's.

Goodnight, Ichigo.

Sleep well, Rukia.

Without another word, Rukia turned and headed upstairs.

Isshin and Urahara watched the silent exchange. "Ohoho!" Isshin said in delight, clapping his hands daintily. "Something tells me, my little boy is all grown up…" Immediately, he dashed to his late wife's memorial poster. "Oh my Masaki!" He sobbed happily. "Our little boy; our little boy has found love and passion! I'm so proud."

"Pipe it, old man. My sisters are sleeping." Ichigo ordered.

"Tell me that you got through SOME of the bases, Ichigo." Isshin pleaded.

Sending his father a horrified glance, Ichigo spluttered "Why you – you! Leave me alone!" He said, walking up the stairs stiffly.

Isshin turned to Urahara and raised a thumb in a happy manner "Score!"

Urahara stifled a laugh that could probably wake up the household. Isshin really enjoyed baiting his son. The look on the kid's face was priceless. It was as if Ichigo was accusing them of spying on them.

"Finally." Isshin sighed. "Thought it would take much longer." He glanced at his old friend, "You owe me money, by the way."

The official version is that the two old men had no idea about what transpired that night. As for the baseless accusations of spying on his son and his third daughter – who just might soon be his daughter-in-law – they were innocent. Former shinigami captains like him and Urahara considered meddling on others' personal and romantic affairs beneath them. No, they never left the house to follow the two on their much-delayed date.

It was a black cat that saw the whole thing and related it to them while the said couple were otherwise…err, preoccupied at a certain ally near the house.

But, let's just keep that a secret – for now.

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A/N: There. There ends my foray into writing mature fanfictions. I had a goal and intent, I just think that I lost it somewhere down the road. It wasn't even graphic! As for the romantic idea, I think it went well, though I'm expecting a lot of contradictions.

Anyway, I hope you guys like this. The last part had a lot of fluff! I hope it wasn't bad. I tried not to make Ichigo act OOC with his 'declaration' of affection. Knowing Ichigo, I doubt that he'd say anything overtly mushy or all (besides, I had my fill of sappy romantic lines in chapter 5 anyway)

I had a hard time writing this, you know. I'm sure you guys wondered why Ichigo's hollow was very considerate and somewhat polite – compared to how bloodthirsty and crude he acts in the manga and the anime, but I just wanted to show just how ruthless he can be by pretending affection or warmth just to get into a girl's pants. Sometimes, being very polite and considerate can be scary too (Hannibal Lecter, C. Leshay, etc.) To otaku-drea who expressed her wish to see Ichigo wake up and be Rukia's first kiss, my deepest apologies, I hope that you found this story to your liking instead. Don't worry, being the first doesn't mean being the last, right?

So… for those who read and enjoyed (or otherwise, I'm not picky) my story, drop a line so I would know. This is not the final chapter; I have an epilogue in mind, so please wait for it, okay?

See ya!


	7. Epilogue

**Epilogue – For Eternity**

**Summary:** "Masaki, oh dear my Masaki! Our son grew up to be a PERVERT. He's a knave, a vermin, a cad, a scourge of the innocents, a rake, a deflowerer of maidens, despoiler of virgins!"

**Fiction Rating**: T+ for violence, potty mouth, and other 'stuff.'

**Characters:** Isshin, Yuzu, Karin, Ishida, Inoue, Chad, Keigo, Tatsuki, Mizuiro, and IchigoXRukia

**Disclaimer:** I give up, Kubo OWNS Bleach. That is until I can perfect my astral projection technique and use it to scare him into giving me the rights to own Bleach!

**SPOILERS:** Watch the anime? Well, spoilers are up to the Arrancar arc. Plus, I took the liberty of twisting the future timeline for my own selfish reason (NO, Kubo-sama, I did not aim to infringe on your awesome right to own Bleach)

**WARNING:** Fluff-berg, up ahead! Slight OOC moments, again. Let's just say that this chapter doesn't have that much insane humor because I had to tie up a lot of things here; but I promise that I inserted subtle funny bits and the usual Isshin weirdness to tide you all. Plus after you read this chapter, scroll down for a surprise.

Oh yeah, sushi-alphonse, thanks for the glowing comment about this fic. Gah, now I'm feeling the pressure. I hope this lives up to your expectations and everyone else's. Also, since this is the LAST chapter, I'd like to list down the names of the people who were generous enough to review, you guys really made my confidence grow, and the next IchiRuku fic was possible because you reviewed. I apologize if you don't find your name here, because chances are, I wrote this before I saw your names in my review list. Ok?

Thanks to:

Werefox Alchemist

Kiralyne

Catho

Loveyouso

HinduGoddess

Embrace nothing

Rawr Cheese

Cherryblossom279

LithiumRukia

Strawberry-Ringo

Silent Anime

Jiayno1

Rinael11

Believing Is Seeing

RequiemElise

xo. P r i s c i l l a

queen of harps

munkybfunky

bLuShInRaiN

ditciestar

cookie-nookie-chan

The Orange Rat

KamaItachi3767

Lost in Purple

Ulquihime Lover

Lunacat14

Hearii

S. Time Bomb

Spartydragon

Clemen

MCRdeathGOD

Sushi-alphonse

Yafromuk

Sweet Rain

Final Fight

Kimihiro-watanuki

POckyEATSyOOh

Shana.rose

Wicked42

Sierra77

Saiyan prince1

Otaku-drea

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Aurorawhisperwind

AngelicWar

Karenkate-Kitty

RevivedSin

Polarissakura

SilentWater

XxDoctoRxX

LaZorra

ADDVengeance

Whew! Thanks to all of you guys for the encouragement and the snippets of advice you dolled out for me.

To my beta, I'm not sure if you want me to out your name out… but I'll use your username for LJ: recklessflight, working with you has been a fun and almost surreal experience! Thank for everything, ok? Of course, we're not finished yet; you still have to read my next IchiRuki fic. Hehe!

So here it is, the epilogue for My Third Daughter's First Date.

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It was a Friday night. Naturally, it was a day that was sacred in the Kurosaki household. Watching cheesy dramas was not Ichigo's idea of a great day, but his old man promised more food than what they could stomach, and Ichigo planned on taking advantage of that. Besides, Yuzu would be worried if they were late.

Now if only a certain somebody would hurry up and just picked up one of the damn linen, so they could go home.

"Come on, Rukia, all of them are the same; don't you see the mug of that rabbit?"

"I'm not sure if I want the pink chappy blanket, or the blue one." She said worriedly as she looked at the collection. "Of course, the yellow print chappy is a good choice too, as is the green one."

Ichigo already turned 18. He was still a substitute shinigami though, but now; Inoue, Chad, and even Ishida joined him in regularly keeping Karakura town safe from hollows. All of them decided to take the exam at the prestigious Tokyo University. Now, considering that the four of them were among the high-ranked students back at Senior High, it was no wonder that results were admirable; of course it was no easy task.

Of the hundreds of students who took the harrowing entrance exams, Ichigo placed 50th. Obviously, it wasn't bad a performance and he was then allowed to take up the required units for a medical degree. Chad, the quiet, studious one, placed 35th and he decided to take up Engineering. One would think that a metal beam falling on top of one's head would make one averse to anything construction-related…

For Inoue Orihime, Todai was a symbol of success and freedom to try new things. Together with her best friend, Tatsuki, the two spent a grueling study schedule in order to pass the exams. Fortune favors the persistent, as it seems, and the two were able to make it to Todai as well. Tatsuki, who wanted to become an economist, was ranked 80th while Inoue took an impressive ranking in the 13th spot. Congratulations were in order, but they were immediately recanted as Inoue announced that she planned to expand her horizons by taking up Culinary Arts.

Mizuiro, despite his reluctance to try Todai changed his mind as he spotted one of its beauteous Law professors, not to mention all the older and equally attractive sempais. True to his word, he passed (he was ranked 100th) and is now preparing on his conquest of the older female population.

As for the top-ranked student in Karakura High, Ishida Uryuu made waves by being one of the few applicants who had a prefect score in the entrance exam of Todai – ever – and he was the only so-called genius in his year.

Everyone knew that Ishida could take up anything, something grand and ambitious, but he decided to enroll in an arts-based course, one that deals with his abilities – Fashion Design. As the fastest hand (in sewing) in Karakura, Todai would be in for a major yet pleasant shock once the esteemed tailor set foot on the university's holy grounds.

Unfortunately, Keigo was unable to pass, so he just enrolled in a nearby college and planned to sneak in Todai to mooch lunch off his friends. Predictably, he took up literature, not because he loved the classics, but because he said that he wanted the skills needed to become a successful porn writer.

And what of Rukia, you might ask? Well, finally she was offered a seat in the 13th Division, but just as Kuchiki Byakuya Taicho gave his consent to his sister's captain, it was found out that Todai actually contained a lot of souls unable to move on. These were spirits of the university's loyal employees, dedicated professors, distinguished alumni, disappointed applicants, and the occasional warrior or official from the EDO period. They needed a shinigami to officially patrol the area and secure it from hollows, while working with the resident shinigami representative. Wanting his subordinate to be happy, Ukitake Taicho pulled some strings and he was able to get Rukia assigned to Todai and the Hongo District.

But just how did someone who was ranked third from the bottom of her class get into such a prestigious school where not all who took the said exam could pass? Well, Rukia was able to enlist the assistance of one of Todai's former department heads, which was naturally a ghost. The smart old man – whose daughter happened to resemble Rukia – whispered to her ear the answers, to Ichigo's chagrin.

Yes, Kuchiki Rukia was ranked 2nd among all of the incoming Todai Freshman of that year. And if it wasn't for the fact that there was a hollow and she had to immediately perform konso on the former department head, Rukia may have gotten the last five questions correct.

Now, the two of them were shopping for stuff that they need for the impressive manor, which they will be sharing with their other friends. This idea started when they realized that their shinigami duties couldn't be hidden easily in a campus-based dormitory. It may be a possibility there were residents that had reiatsu, no matter how small. Thus, they decided to instead live in a more-than-decent-sized manor (which was provided by the Kuchiki head for his sister, of course, on the condition that Ichigo get the FARTHEST room from Rukia's suite) that can be found a few minutes away from the university. Naturally, the invitation was extended (again, by Kuchiki Byakuya Taicho) to the other comrades of the annoying orange-haired shinigami and his sister. As the subject of their moonlighting habits was already open to Tatsuki, Mizuiro, and Keigo, they were likewise allowed to join.

"Oi Rukia, just get all of them if you can't decide."

"Excellent idea, Ichigo."

Finally, Ichigo thought tiredly, taking Rukia out shopping was proving to be a very difficult task. He was drained, hungry, and sleepy; naturally, going home was high on his list. They needed to rest, as they were due to move for Hongo before lunch tomorrow.

Mizuiro's girlfriend rented a large van for them so they could follow the moving trucks that would be bringing their stuff to their rented manor.

"Ichigo!" Rukia called out excitedly "Look at the Chappy toothbrush holders!"

Ah, crap.

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It was almost 7pm when they got home, burdened with heavy bags of their many purchases.

"Mou, Ichi-nii, Rukia nee-chan, you two are late."

"Yeah, Ichi-nii; I thought you'd ditch me and leave me alone with the wolves."

"Ah, sorry Yuzu, Karin." Ichigo said, unable to hold his hands up in surrender as he faced his teenaged sisters who were looking at him in disappointment. He stumbled into the house, tottering with the combined weight of all the bags while Rukia followed close behind, carrying a manga she just bought, oblivious to his discomfort.

Sometimes, Ichigo wondered, why was it that he LIKED the presence of this particular shinigami when she bought nothing with her but big trouble.

"ICHIGOOO!" Isshin cried out, as he dashed into the front door, attempting to place a kick on his son's orange head. "You and Rukia-chan are late! Why, you know that it's our Kurosaki Family Friday Bonding Night today!" He whinned as his son was able to deftly avoid him. Suddenly, he stopped and stood up abruptly. "Wait!" Came the strangled cry. Isshin looked at him, then at Rukia. "Rukia-chan! Tell poppa where my spawn brought you?" Before the said girl could answer "Don't tell me…" he said in a strangled stage whisper, as he grabbed his third daughter's hands and looked at her all over to see if anything was amiss. "Don't tell me Ichigo brought you to a… a HOTEL?"

Ichigo kicked his father, sending him careening across the room. "You PERVERT!"

Isshin gasped, falling over again in his exaggeration, "You don't deny it?" He grabbed the collar of his plaid shirt and placed it between his teeth while crying buckets, looking like an abandoned puppy. "Don't tell me you corrupted my Third Daughter, already?!"

Before Ichigo could say anything, Isshin dashed faster than the wind, swiped Rukia's arm and dragged her in front of Masaki's memorial poster – which was a good distance away from Ichigo. The older Kurosaki knelt and held Rukia to his bosom while looking at his son spitefully behind a haze of unshed tears. "Masaki, oh my dear Masaki! Our son grew up to be a PERVERT!" he wailed so loud, Ichigo was sure the neighbors were now hearing it. Great, now his last day at Karakura will be tampered with talks of him being a pervert. "He's a knave, a vermin, a cad, a scourge of the innocents, a rake, a deflowerer of maidens, despoiler of virgins!"

"Shut up!" Shouted a red-faced Ichigo, dropping the bags to walk to his father, intending to give him a bashing he would never forget.

Isshin immediately held out a hand to stop Ichigo in his tracks. "Halt!" He said ominously. "I will not allow you a step closer to Rukia-chan!" Isshin gave his son a severe glare as he clutched Rukia closer to him for her 'protection.' "For the love of all that is holy and all that is pure, control your hormones Ichigo – you're in the presence of your beloved mother!" Isshin shouted, wildly gesturing to the poster of Kurosaki Masaki's smiling face, her hand up in a victory sign. "Do not attempt to try anything on our dear, sweet, innocent, Rukia-chan! My dear Masaki would be turning in her grave if she found about your evil intentions and dark, perverted thoughts for my dear third daughter!"

"Why you…" Seethed Ichigo. The fact that his father still insisted on calling Rukia as his 'third daughter' was still a sore topic for the substitute shinigami. Ichigo remembered the incident where a patient politely inquired Isshin about his family. Without batting an eye, the Kurosaki head smiled and rushed into a detailed description of how Yuzu was becoming a really good chef, how Karin was a member of the girl's soccer team, and how he caught his son making out the other day with his third daughter.

Ichigo still remembers the look of shock, disbelief, and disgust on the woman's face as she looked at him and his father before she upped and fled from the clinic, never returning again.

"Rukia-chan," Isshin said seriously, not looking at her, as he was busy watching Ichigo. "I am worried for your safety when you go to Todai. Who knows what Ichigo might try to do there when I'm not present to stop him."

"Ah…I think I'll be fine." Rukia said, soothing Isshin's hysterics. "After all, Inoue and Tatsuki will be there…" As Ichigo glared at her, she added, "Of course, Ichigo will be a PERFECT gentleman…"

"I don't believe that for one moment, Rukia-chan." Isshin sneered. "You have no idea just how devious that Ichigo is. For all we know," he said conspiratorially, though his voice was as loud as a blow horn "he could be plotting on how to get you alone in the house." The father shook his head at the mental images. "You'll be surprised to find him dragging you into his room, locking the door, throwing you on the bed, ripping off your blouse –

"Dad!" Yuzu cried out, her face red. "That's way too much information!"

Beside her, Karin had a pained look on her face. "DON'T make me lose my appetite for the pizza, old man."

"I think you should bring with you a memorial poster of your mother, Rukia-chan!" Isshin cried out, whipping out a poster of Masaki – this time smiling happily as she held a puppy to her cheeks – from his pants' back pocket (how did he do THAT?), unfurling it, and brandishing it in front of Ichigo like a talisman. "Don't you worry, because Mother will protect and guard you from Ichigo's evil intentions!"

There was a deathly silence. Then –

"That's it you perverted bastard." Spat Ichigo as he dashed to his father "You are SO going down!"

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Finally, the family was able to settle down in time for their favorite show. Isshin was able to calm down and stop attacking Ichigo, though he still threw him a few dirty and angry glances every once in a while.

Karin ordered the usual pizza with additional orders of burgers and fries, while Yuzu brought out the chips and soda from the kitchen. Ichigo was delegated to cook the popcorn and Rukia helped bring out the glasses, plates, and paper towels.

Finally, they were ready for the viewing of the latest soap opera, For Eternity; which was actually the shorter version of its really long title: A Tale of A Princess and A Pauper Who Met While On Vacation In The Bahamas And Falling In Love – Amidst Trials – For Eternity.

"And here I thought I already saw all of the lamest, most boring, plot-clichéd stories that were ever produced." Ichigo grumbled as the open credits came up, in a shocking display of colors and images so bright, they should be deemed a health hazard. "Somebody get that producer a new brain."

"Shh!" Yuzu, Isshin, and Rukia warned.

The silence continued on, as the fans of the show watched with their full attention the story of the protagonists as they struggled to find love and acceptance in a world of insane people who laughed hysterically, cried outrageously, dressed flamboyantly, and fought each other crazily – while making sure that the cameras captured their beautiful angles and telegenic profiles.

Ichigo shuddered as he imagined the kind of life they'd be living at the manor. He prayed to whichever deity it was that was listening, to spare him from the horrors of Rukia's appalling tastes in TV shows; Inoue's mind-numbing food concoctions, Ishida's unexplainable fetish for sewing; Mizuiro's older girlfriends who just might show up in the middle of the night; Keigo's attempt to grope the girls; Tatsuki beating him up; and Chad's...well, indifferent silence. Oh god, with the apparent disaster that such a combination would have, would he be able to get enough peace and quiet to study for his lessons?

The show continued on, and Ichigo just contented himself to eating the food as the others watched. To his left, Karin was lazily throwing up popcorn in the air to catch it with her mouth.

"Katherine." The lead character with seriously repressed issues named Finnigan (WTF?) said quietly as he glanced at the lead female character, a token perky and bubbly girl who wore 'cute' outfits in pink, had her long hair in two high pigtails held back with bright ribbons, and was prone to pouting childishly; despite being already 17 years old. "Katherine, I have something to say…"

Ichigo stole a quick glance at Rukia who was enraptured. Then again, spending time watching sappy shows like this with her for a long time was a prospect that he felt comfortable with, he thought as he felt her small hand underneath his.

The token lead female character looked at the guy from beneath her lashes (no doubt, showing her good angle) before saying in a voice that reminded Ichigo of Pyon "Yes?"

Finnigan kneeled in front of his lady-love.

"Will you do me the honor of becoming my wife?"

Yuzu, Isshin, and Rukia all sighed.

Was this what women wanted? Ichigo asked himself. Okay so his father was a weirdo; but Yuzu and Rukia found such horrible displays romantic. Do women really expect such kind of behavior from guys?

Ichigo was so caught up in his world that he failed to notice his father looking at him with a very peculiar expression on his face.

The lead actress suddenly burst into tears before flinging herself to the guy and screaming a very exuberant "YES!"

- Insert torrid kissy, kissy sessions, which obviously made Ichigo VERY embarrassed, not to mention uncomfortable. As the shinigami beside him tilted her head to concentrate on figuring out the angles that the smooching couples used (was it even possible to move THAT way?), Ichigo itched to cover her eyes from seeing such a disturbing sight.

Maybe it wasn't a good idea anyway, seeing as a simple contact of their hands was enough to tempt him A BIT to just grab her and excuse them from the living room…

Must…not…do…anything…rash…

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"AW…That's just so sweet…" Cooed Yuzu as she hugged a pillow closer after the similarly colorful ending credits rolled.

Ichigo and Karin exchanged glances. Yuzu was such a softie. A sappy softie.

"That really was romantic, Yuzu!" Isshin said enthusiastically as he hugged his daughter.

"What do you think, Rukia-nee?"

In the middle of devouring her pizza – which was - by the way - lathered with gravy, Rukia stopped and looked at Yuzu. "Eh?"

Yuzu looked at Rukia closer, "The proposal scene, Rukia-nee, wasn't it romantic?"

Everyone turned to face the girl who was now on the hot seat.

Conscious that the last time she made such a careless statement got her into trouble, Rukia decided to think up of something, quickly. Suddenly, she whipped out a hanky and wiped the edges of her eyes "Oh…It was WONDERFUL. It was so emotional! I am moved by the romance and the drama!"

Yuzu beamed.

Rukia smiled, relieved to be out of the woods.

Karin looked at the two before grimacing in disgust.

Even Isshin was surprised at the convincing answer.

Ichigo was able to breath again. Sometimes, Rukia's acting skills really did the trick.

Then again…

"Why did he have to kneel down, anyway? And what was that with the ring?"

As Ichigo grasped his head as it ached, and Isshin gave a large smile that signified the impending doom of his oldest child.

"Yuzu!"

"Yes, dad?"

"It seems that we have to teach Rukia-chan everything there is about accepting marriage proposals. She's going to be off to college now, and we definitely have to think about her future as early as now." Isshin turned to the now-shocked Rukia. "Well then, my beloved third daughter, we'll go about finding you a fiancé!"

As chaos erupted in the household (Rukia was sputtering that marriage was not on her mind yet, Yuzu was happily spouting of ideas for a wedding theme, and Karin was stomping on her father to get him to stop), Ichigo groaned as the headache now appeared and intensified. "Oh good lord," he moaned, "not again…"

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**The End.**

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**Or Not…**

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"Ichigo!" Isshin cried out the next day as the van with his son's friends arrived. Due to their schedules at school, Karin and Yuzu would be unable to see their brother and Rukia off. However, they were given the promise to visit the two in Hongo during the weekend.

"Hurry it up, Rukia-chan's already waiting!"

As they heard Ichigo holler a quick "Yeah, I'll be downstairs in a minute!"

Sure that his son would take long in coming down, Isshin then turned to face the shinigami who had been staying in their home for a few years now. "Rukia." He said in uncharacteristic seriousness that surprised the shinigami "Watch out for Ichigo always, will you?" Isshin said quietly, as if he didn't want anyone to hear. "He's young and hard-headed. He will always have a volatile temper, until then – bear with him."

Shock rendered Rukia unable to say anything. So she just nodded. For the long time she was a guest in the Kurosaki household, the man who was Kurosaki Isshin was an enigma for her. Despite his weird behavior that often borders on stupidity, there was something about this man; his perceptiveness and utter understanding for his children. She remembered Kon mentioning something in passing about how crafty the old man could be, and how full of surprises he was. Unfortunately, she was too busy to get to know this man better, and she was a bit disappointed about it.

Who knows, maybe her stay at Todai would only be brief. The area could be secured in a few weeks or months; she doubted she could stay for even a year. When that time comes, Rukia would be ordered to leave everything behind. Her new friends, the Kurosaki's, even Ichigo.

This may be the last time she would get to thank him, not only for letting her stay and treating her like family, but for Ichigo as well. If it wasn't for this funny man and his beloved wife, she might have never met Ichigo, her soul might have been destroyed, and Aizen might have taken Soul Society and the much-needed royal key to the house of Soul Society's king for himself.

Wordlessly, Rukia stepped closer and hugged Kurosaki Isshin. "Thank you for everything and I'll watch out for Ichigo for you, Kurosaki-dono…Uncle."

Isshin hugged the girl as well. "I told you to call me dad." He reminded her gently.

Rukia looked at him in confusion and was supposed to say something, but Isshin gently pushed her out the door.

"Go to your friends, Rukia-chan." He said gaily, returning to his usual, idiotic self in an instant "Ichigo will be down in a while; he's just busy doing… certain GUY THINGS. I think he has your picture with him" he added, with a suggestive wink.

Frowning in surprise, then feeling embarrassed at the implications, a red-faced Rukia walked on ahead quickly just as Ichigo rushed down the stairs. "Well, gotta go old man!"

Isshin grabbed him by the shoulder, "Don't forget to call Karin and Yuzu."

"Aa."

The two looked at each other for a while.

"See you on school break, pops."

"You better get good grades." Isshin warned. "No late night parties and women, you hear?"

"What the –

"If I hear anything, I mean ANYTHING happening to Rukia-chan, I'm gonna get you."

"Whatever." Ichigo said with a smirk as he walked ahead.

"Wait. Ichigo, take this." Isshin said as he slipped an old, miniscule cloth purse in his son's pocket.

"Damn it, old man, no more condoms!" Ichigo protested.

Before he could return the package to his father, Isshin pushed him out of the door. "BYE KIDS!" He shouted to his son's classmates who were waiting for Ichigo.

Keigo opened a window and shouted "Come on, we'll be late! We need to get to Todai! I want to see our campus as early as possible!"

"Asano-san." Mizuiro said, "You're not enrolled in Todai."

"What's with that polite talk?"

Isshin glanced at Ichigo. "That was your mother's." He said before he shut the door on his eldest child.

"Weird." Ichigo muttered as he looked at the door. He was finally going to college, he would be taking the step towards being an adult now, and the old man wouldn't be there to watch out for him. Wordlessly, he opened the string of the purse and carefully shook out its contents.

A small thing fell into his hand.

"Ichigo!" Rukia shouted. "What are you waiting for?"

He turned and looked at Rukia, meeting her glance straight on.

"Yeah, sorry 'bout that." He hollered back as he slipped the thing back in the purse and pocketed it carefully. His father can be really weird. Sprinting, he took off to ride the van to join his friends.

And somewhere as the van sped off with his son and his third daughter, a man named Kurosaki Isshin was patting himself on his shoulder and smiled to himself in congratulations. Everything will fall into place, that he was confident of.

Standing beside his wife's memorial portrait, Isshin nodded in satisfaction. "Don't worry Masaki," he said to the face in the picture, "Everything's going to turn out right for Ichigo. He'll be smiling more often now."

Why wouldn't it be, when he just gave Ichigo the ring he gave to Masaki when they became engaged?

"Mission: My Third Daughter's First Date; Success!"

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**The End. For real.**

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A/N: Whew! FINALLY, the very last part of My Third Daughter's First Date. This is my very first Bleach fanfict, the second I have ever finished, and also the FIRST that I was able to upload before I lost the draft! After several chapters that were so funny (yes, I got reviews of people who got shouted to, fell on chairs, and choked on food because they were laughing hard; my beta even got the snuffles at work – oops! At home I mean!) it was really my intention to let you all read something a bit serious here, so you guys can at least see that I'm not that crazy, yet. But I am, I assure you. Ugh, something tells me I'm not good in ending stuff... probably because I was distracted with the fluff-bunnies all wanting attention.

I really didn't want the story to end, but I had to. Sometimes, things just have to end or you'll end up rambling. I feel really sad that this one hell of a ride is officially concluded. Seven funny and well-reviewed chapters, not bad for my FIRST Bleach fan fiction. I can't believe that I finished it too! I initially wanted it to end on a funny line or something, but I felt at the last moment that ending it on this ambiguous and bittersweet note was the best course. This has been an incredible experience and I've met people who really knew how to show appreciation. Guys, you know who you are.

To all fellow Ichi-Ruki fans: May we live to continue to inspire each other with great IchiRuki stories, with lemons or otherwise (Isshin says he hopes to see more lemons, let's indulge the old man, shall we?); and may Kubo finally see the light and write MANY, MANY fluffy interactions between our favorite pair.

For my beta (who still has LOST her password), thank you for the encouragement and for the praises. Yeah, you'll get your IshiHime fix soon, I promise. Just not before the IchiRuki one, ok?

Once again, I do not own Bleach, Kubo does.

(**C. LeShay respectfully bows**)

**Thank You!**

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**Preview** of C. LeShay's NEXT IchiRuki fanfiction (a sequel of sorts for My Third Daughter's First Date):

**Sex For Dummies**

Ichigo and Rukia finally get engaged. Deciding that the two are too clueless for their own good, their friends decide to help prepare them for their much-anticipated wedding night.

Beware of well-meaning friends.

**_Everyone waited with baited breath at what the decision of the Kuchiki noble might be. Would he finally give in and allow his sister to marry one of the strongest and good-looking heroes that ever graced Soul Society? Or would Kurosaki Ichigo be sent home to the living world in a small box?_**

_Isshin glared at his son for a while. "Do I detect frustration in your tone Ichigo? Is my dear third daughter withholding sexual favors? Is there trouble in paradise? No libido from being too stressed out at work? Can't get it up?"_

**_What was his father expecting, that he tore off Rukia's clothing and made wild, loud, and passionate love to her in Soul Society? Where her brother – who is by the way, scary as hell – is? Ichigo was NOT stupid._**

"_Tatsuki-chan, why do you think that I'm joking! We're dealing about the future children of Kurosaki-kun and Kuchiki-san here, this is no laughing matter!" Though her face was flushed and red, Inoue continued on. "Kurosaki-san is so worried about his son; I'm sure that Kurosaki-kun's sisters are also wishing for a young nephew or niece to spoil and pamper! This is a tragedy, if the eggs and the sperm ... we can help prepare Kuchiki-san about the painful, uncomfortable, horrifying, and scaring thing that is her wedding night!"_

**"_This is probably the juiciest piece of gossip I have ever heard; ever since that bath house incident involving Nanao and Kyoraku Taicho." Matsumoto said as she shook with barely controlled laughter. "Can you imagine, one of the most popular and sought-after bachelors both in Soul Society and here, is a VIRGIN?"_**

"_Ichigo needs our help!" Keigo said, raising his fist in the air._

_Ishida shook his head. "Heaven help Kurosaki." Muttered Ishida as they all just looked at Keigo._


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